One Year Lease

squan·der

  [skwon-der] 

verb (used with object)

1.

to spend or use (money, time, etc.) extravagantly orwastefully (often followed by away ).

2.

to scatter.

squan·deredsquan·der·ing

1

: to spend extravagantly or foolishly : dissipate, waste<squandered a fortune>

2

: to cause to disperse : scatter

3

: to lose (as an advantage or opportunity) through negligence or inaction


Examples of SQUANDER

1. He vowed not to squander this opportunity.

   squan·der  (skwndr)

   tr.v. squan·dered, squan·der·ing, squan·ders

1. To spend wastefully or extravagantly; dissipate. See Synonyms at waste.

2. To fail to take advantage of; lose a chance for: squandered an opportunity to go to college.

3. Obsolete To scatter.

Antonyms 
1.  save. 

Don't Leave A Note

The body language I then spoke, I tend to ruin everything, and you can take back all that you wrote.

For Years Now

"For years now, I’ve wanted to fall asleep. The sort of slipping off, the giving up, the falling part of sleep."

Same Moon

"My own life meant little to me today."


"Wouldn’t he, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn’t enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would."


"Was I dying again, then? I didn’t like it—this wasn’t as good as the last time."


"What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn’t even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?"


"Life seemed dark enough at the moment so I let myself cheat. The hole—holes now—were already aching, so why not? I pulled out the memory—not a real memory that would hurt too much, but the false memory of his voice in my mind this afternoon—and played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly down my empty face."


"Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore."

Away

I reflect so constantly on the life now that has been carelessly created
I see now why I feel as I do,
when anything and everything that made me feel worthy was dissipated
I guess the whole time what I was fishing for and needing was a sense of worth
either way so many months have passed since I've received those sorts of words
still just attempting to come to terms with which that I deserve
or how through all this time "I purposefully avoided mentioning those things" was the nicest phrase I heard
because these are the only means those around me can display that they care
just saying to my face that they feel sympathy for the should be obvious fact no one is there
I wish for only one thing now besides the possibility for discarded disdain, simply that it all reverts back, to feeling almost the same
all those that loved me, I drove you away, I drove you away, only myself to blame


drive away

Peers

                 Brother, I hope you see me as superior to my peers. If I accomplish but only that, it is quite enough.

Misdeed

"hard as hell, the witch's hammer 
right away I knew the sound 
so severe and long forgotten 
cities burnin' to the ground 
torn to shreds, stressed and cracked 
worried minds obsessed in fact 
skin and bones, and blood red eyes 
the messenger was dressed in black 
deceive the birds, fool yourself 
believe the words with all your heart 
goodness gracious, fold your hands 
and that's when things will fall apart 
galleries of sleep and dreams 
take your chances, weigh your cares 
give up the ghost, display your layers 
sing along and say your prayers 


here it comes, it's too late now 
at last, the all consuming flood 
sink or swim, it feeds on fear 
sacred text and human blood 
the trees are trying to escape 
and all the birds are flying south 
fighting with violent desire 
look inside the lion's mouth 


desperate people close their eyes 
and try to reach for higher states 
nothing left to talk about 
sleep no more and dire straights 
crooked teeth and naked breast 
hunger that will only worsen 
dislocated souls go blind 
the death of a holy person 
night time sky shot with holes 
mysteries and misdenounced 
control is lost and no one noticed 
magic words are mispronounced" 

And Counting

It's unappetizing the excessive amount of times they feel the need to kiss loudly during my breakfast.
Once for every bite.

Coffee Shop

"I can't tell which way the wind is blowing."

Encumber

¹bag·gage

 noun \ˈba-gij\

Definition of BAGGAGE

1

: suitcases, trunks, and personal belongings of travelers :luggage

2   : intangible things (as feelings, circumstances, or beliefs) that get in the way baggage>

3.

things that encumber one's freedom, progress,development, or adaptability; impediments: intellectual baggage that keeps one from thinking clearly; neuroticconflicts that arise from struggling with too much emotional baggage.

4. Superfluous or burdensome practices, regulations, ideas, or traits.

A Decade

"Well sad, small, sure and porcelain
You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck
Well I've got a bad feeling about this (when it comes to this)
I've got a bad feeling about this

You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window
Well I've got a bad feeling about this
I've got a bad feeling about...

Who's to say you have to go? (I could go all night)
Well say you have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on"

Of All The Songs Sung

"My body aches

And it hurts to say

That no one is moving

And I wish that I weren't here tonight

But this is my life

And I will see you again

I will see you again a long time from now

And I will see you again

I will see you again a long time from now"

As Remembered

buried happy feelings outside your house, right in the street
every night subsequent you were a ghost in cream colored sheets

Mystery Misery

   I was at a loss, and just placed myself in a miserable state
   since I lost you when you lost your ability to commiserate 

Solutions

ex·tra·ne·ous  (k-strn-s)

adj.

1. Not constituting a vital element or part.

2. Inessential or unrelated to the topic or matter at hand; irrelevant. See Synonyms at irrelevant.

3. Coming from the outside: extraneous interference.

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[From Latin extrneus, from extr, outside; see extra-.]

extraneous [ɪkˈstreɪnɪəs]

adj

1. not essential

2. not pertinent or applicable; irrelevant

3. coming from without; of external origin

4. not belonging; unrelated to that to which it is added or in which it is contained