Commemorate

"I felt closer to you than you ever could have known"

Work In Progress

What would I say? I love when people ask sensitive questions, and hate when people ask insensitive ones. It still bothers me despite my efforts, when people put other's paper towels or toilet paper rolls on backwards.

I'd say that I worry that all my close friends that matter to me will continue to keep some shoddy means of keeping track, or keeping dibs on me for something like the rest of my life, and that I will only regularly be reminded and think of them. How I still worry that I would rather stumble upon a new movie trailer than be introduced to or meet a new person.

The only time I have felt any twinge of accomplishment in recent years is when I drink large quantities of black coffee. The most real ways that I receive love are empty promises, and painful private stories of someone's past being shared with only me, in confidence.

On a day-to-day basis I covertly but honestly believe that I had come to realizations that enable me from applying myself in near to everything. 
The irreversible and lasting nature of a relationship's affect on me makes me a ridiculous amount of socially cold and cautious.
I would say that I am hindered by not allowing myself to drink, smoke, or do drugs, and that it's hard to explain in a way for people to grasp, that I just do not wish to. I might be the most unconditional, and wishy-washy person you've ever met.
I am increasingly all or nothing, leaning much more towards nothing lately.

Soften

mol·li·fy/ˈmäləˌfī/

Verb:

Appease the anger or anxiety of (someone). Reduce the severity of (something); soften.

(mŏl'ə-fī') 
tr.v., -fied, -fy·ing, -fies.

1. To calm in temper or feeling; soothe. See synonyms at pacify.
2. To lessen in intensity; temper.

Verb

1.

mollify - cause to be more favorably inclined; gain the good will of; "She managed to mollify the angry customer" appease, assuage, conciliate, gentle, gruntle, lenify, pacify, placate calm, still, tranquilize, tranquillise, tranquillize, calm down, quiet, quieten, lull - make calm or still; "quiet the dragons of worry and fear"

2.	mollify - make more temperate, acceptable, or suitable by adding something else; moderate; "she tempered her criticism"

3.	mollify - make less rigid or softer

mollify [ˈmɒlɪˌfaɪ]

vb -fies, -fying, -fied (tr)

1. to pacify; soothe

2. to lessen the harshness or severity of

[from Old French mollifier, via Late Latin, from Latin mollis soft + facere to make]

mollifiable  adj

mollification  n

mollifier  n

You Found Me Waiting For You

"You found me waiting for you in a burning building
nightfall sitting quietly like learning children 
violence from the sky that sings a serenade 
mountains were an insufficient barricade
frozen solid whispering our pities
as we stood in front of sinks in different cities
dirty blood and cruelties all drained away
and finally the day we met we rained all day
going blind we had no words in which to choke
half-asleep sometimes our thoughts turned into smoke
trying not not fly my bones were sedentary  
but the blinding light inside was legendary
a piece of broken glass for those that doubt us
it's too late now, it's gone, the last train left without us
accidentally once I touched the hidden depths
and found you waiting for me on the prison steps
temporary skeleton turned cold and steel
lying in a pile in a golden field
rock-a-bye the endless days turn into vapor
catching table cigarettes and writing paper
nights we ghost around the empty room in silence
crazy days we tear apart with crimson violence
scented gently fallen snow that never lingers
finding where it hurts inside with clever fingers
dented armor, dirty faces, hectic wishes
staying warm and wild with electric kisses
warning of the coming storm and then the wind died
drew a picture of a woman on my inside
sticks and stones were an antenna broken limb
murmur tender murder teach me how to swim
the agony of animals and signals came
four of hands, a two of hearts, a single flame
I knew you'd be the death of me
I knew you'd be the death of me
I knew you'd be the death of me
I knew you'd be the death of me"

I Know

"I KNOW YOU WITNESSED MY DECLINE

YOU USED TO PUSH BACK THE DARKNESS LIKE A FLOODLIGHT"

All Things Considered And Consistent

i keep consistently hitting rock bottom, just waiting to get up, it's been years with less product and progress than reflection and reduct, it's a crass realization, that there is nowhere you belong and nothing you can do, and i wish you found me serious when opened up enough and told you. well will i always be, so wildly, disappointed with how it all was meant to play out? the answer is yes, i guess, until i learn to live without the things i was meant to live without.
the problem is the constant in the equations, even with the variables so much alike, there's a problem to be solved with increasing complexity, oh how its darkness weighs heavy this time of night.
washed up, worn out, tired and all used up, not one trick left up my sleeve, and if i have such a permanence incrusted on this same feeling, why is it i stay here with such an incapability to be happy?
and like a sponge, i will choose to soak up anything, in the worst way, even if it be this cold winter rain, why press forward in a story with its ending told, all of this eternally being so the same? i feel that intrepidly, in my heart of hearts, and especially these days, coincidentally it is in fact, itself the certain bane.

These Streets They're Just Dead Ends

"So I won't ever be happy again
Well, it seems you too
See a painful blue
When you stare into the sky
You could never understand
The motion of a hand waving you goodbye

And on a grassy hill
the lion will
lay down with the lamb
And I won't ever be lonely again
No, no, no, no, no
But until that time
I think I had better find
some disbelief to suspend
Cause I don't want to feel like this again"

The Worst

"And.

The worst of the wildlife wears clothes and can pray and

the worry, the wonder, for three meals a day.

Only death unimpeded, not slowing its pace,

Brings that petty, old worry and wonder away."

Familiar And Safe

Inside of my car I was so truly happy to be reunited with it, flooded with memories past and all the times we had experienced together. My car seemed like the only remaining thing, as it was, that had stayed with me from the good times ago. It is the singular thing that made it through it until now, besides, of course myself, but I haven't been liking that very much lately.

And Then I Woke Up

i hung my laundry outside of 
the front of your house
not dirty
but soused, and wrinkled
you did not notice
you didn't even notice it was there
you never came outside
i draped it there
i snatched it back
i never found out if it ever dried out

Muse

                    I like museums because they are quiet and thought provoking. Everything else is varying degrees of upsetting.

Just Because

" J u s t b e c a u s e y o u d o n t u n d e r s t a n d , i t d o e s n t m e a n i t i s n t s o . "

More And Better

""

Maybe I Won't Be Cheap Forever

Let me playcater to your every need, be the rug you walk on that I'm sweeping it all under. You do what you estimate you're worth.

His Only Solace

""