"Day by day, night by night, he recedes, and I am increasingly faithless"

"I found the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me"

"I feel more like a stranger each time I come home"

"Let's fall
Way deeper into whatever we're callin' it
Whatever we're fallin' into
'Cause I don't really care about rules
I don't really care about rules
I just really care about you
I'm enjoyin' starin' into
Your eyes when I'm all in it with you
They can choose to watch, but I'd rather they just listen
Could fill up an album with everything that they're missin'
They so superficial, don't understand how we're chillin'
We don't need a lot, we got us and that's why"

the noises you make in your sleep
remind me of the only thing I've ever loved
and make me believe
you could be the second

I guess that's why I named you after something
so special
and unexpected

The Problem

"I feel alone when we're apart"

The Kitchen's a Mess

my bed
still damp from the alcoholic sweats,
a fever that has us up until 2, and you getting out of bed exactly twelve hours after I did

I won't look back upon these years and laugh because I never did before
I know what is funny

my fingers, the joints tender and sore
the nervous cracking

"No one can take you away from me"

Stale Green Lights

i get low key upset that he is in a patch of wildflowers on a mountain trail with his dainty girlfriend
(in our depression fueled laziness) you and i only leave the bed for work or a good meal
then i realize that i would rather sleep next to you any time of day than hike a fucking mountain

my plants live off of peach pear la croix dregs and i'm convinced they flourish because of or in spite of it
i am broke, but not broke enough to drink still water

my roommate is so quiet i am convinced she believes rent is only due if you make enough noise

of all the things lost on you, i think everything good about myself is what i miss the most

i had a dream last night that i fell asleep, and had a dream that you were in

and we gently waved at each other from a distance
when i woke up (in my dream) i got dressed in a foreign room and went to find you
to ask you if you were asleep exactly two hours ago, 7:22am, and if we had waved at least each other in your dream, too

my life lately resembles the spongebob episode where mr krabs gets coral squeaky boots for her birthday

no disrespect meant to ru paul, but you CAN truly love someone without being even close to loving yourself, and I have proof

remember, god is as real as anything else

taylor swift voted for donald trump 2016

 I found out the real meaning of contingency

The Fictional Pain

"Palm 
To notice your palm in your dream represents your generosity and openness, especially if they are open. You are always willing to help others. If you dream that your palm is closed, then it means that there is something that you are trying to hide or shield.

Bloody Hands 
To see blood on your hands signifies that you are experiencing some sort of guilt."

Same

my cat slowly and repetitively claws at the walls of the litter box he is contained in like silently proclaiming LOOK AT ME, GET ME OUT OF THIS TINY SHITHOLE

Poem First Draft

do you think plants are more fun if they live off of the dregs of peach pear la croix?

because I am poor, but not poor enough to drink still water

do you think my cat likes me? or really likes me?

because we sleep together but he never, ever comes when I call

50 cent's get rich or die tryin reminds me of my childhood, and I deeply resonated with each lyrics, even as a 13 year old middle class white kid

i work too damn hard to be this dependent on my change jar,

and have the audacity to complain about this even whilst i gentrify

people named shelby are objectively personality-less

god is as real as anything else

taylor swift voted for trump

Therapy

    Did you tell your therapist about me?

    Does she know that I am weak? Does she know how I am stupid?

     Does she know I can't sleep

we said we were sorry

  In my dream he told me that he did not know what I was feeling. For the first time in my life i responded that I did not know either.