PATTERN


LIMINALITY



SPOILAGE

COLLIDES

CAVERNOUS

BANALITY

SENSUIOUS



HOMAGE

TAILORED

VOID

SENTIENT

DISMAL

ADDICTION

WHISPER

twenty seven notes to younger self

1. your mom wasn't right about most things, but she was right about going to the dentist and oil changes
2. where you live gender will be thought of as fluid, just like you always dreamed
3. you only go as far as you try to go
4. if you're worried about a friendship then work on it
5. therapy is chill
6. health insurance is awesome
7. save some money for the hard times
8. you're body is gonna be your body so try to accept it as soon as you can
9. stay in school
10. divorce is mostly good
11. don't play it cool -- if you like someone it's okay for them to know (and actually way better)
12. shave your head, get tattoos, nothing matters
13. things can be on your terms, try your hardest not to be a doormat
14. the psychic was right
15. call your family
16. fuck your boss for being such an asshole (all of them)
17. the social anxiety WILL GET BETTER will practice
18. drinking isn't cool, you were right
19. wear that retainer it seriously isn't that bad and they aren't cheap or easy to come by!
20. swim in the river, swim in lakes, swim in a pool, go swimming any chance you get
21. you aren't that bad
22. golden rule always
23. take a language, think of your future practically
24. don't worry, you will get to wear everything you wanted ie. a blazer, glitter, knee high socks, mascara, a cool hat, a cool beanie, a nice dress, eyeliner, overalls, a sweatband, a tank top with your bra showing, short-shorts, any shirt you want, nothing at all, and feel okay about it
25. your writing will be published, just not in the fashion you expected
26. that deep feeling of not fitting in will be replaced with a deep connection with others who deeply did not fit in
27. tell everyone you love that you love them and you mean it

    "change is gonna come and when it does we'll be here for it"

The Only One That Even Matters

"If I had tried to make you mine

you would have walked away

life can't compete with memories

that never have to change

this world is full of missing persons

all of these unsolved mysteries

if someone says they know for certain

they are selling something certainly

so when I set myself to wonder

on all the questions that remain

the only one that even matters

is when I'll see your face again

I keep looking back for artifacts

to prove that you were here

a sound that has been keeps echoing

it never disappears"

 we've been here before
 which is to say we will be here again

Image I Create

"when I need to wipe my face I use the back of my hand.
and I like to take up space just because I can.
and I use my dress to wipe up my drink.
and you know I care less & less what people think.
and you are so lame. You know you always disappoint me.
it's kinda like our running joke & it's really not funny.
I just want you to live up to the image of you I create.
I see you & I'm so unsatisfied."

Jae is in new york. I'm in bed. my pillow mostly covers the blood. there's fight in his blood, and blood from his fight.
he's so soft, so tender. in each and every way.

financial ruin seems to be going well

"what kind of love am I in?"

"I hope it hurts when you hear my name"

Man

if I had a Man's entitlement I would be happy.
then again I would not be cognizant of this whatsoever and would in actuality be sad.

Energy

  turns out energy and happiness are the same thing

Straightforward

"Most obstacles exist in the mind more than reality. If you encounter a block while on your way to work, you go around, find a detour, remain in action. Why then are there other blocks that seem impossible to surmount? Not much can stand in your way if you keep moving. Don’t lament about what you can’t do or complain about what you need to do – just do it. If you could just accept that a situation or relationship is challenging, you might find another alternative to dealing with it. By no means is this easy, it’s not supposed to be, but it is straightforward. Focus on what you want to create in the world, apply all of yourself and don’t be too proud to adjust along the way. Something you’ve been diligently pursuing needs some loosening up. Either physically or energetically. Walk away, take a break, do something different. Let go of your agitation and disappointment – hit the reset button – and focus on what brings you joy. A health or financial matter reaches its critical mass, time to get down to business."

Paid

nothing is free
which is to say there is a cost
and it will be paid

Will Go Down

"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were"