Nothing Left to Steal

Stripped.

And we will all die, one day.

I need so much help

Stripped

Aquarius – Death (Queen of Pentacles)
"
Stripping away all that is superfluous is what makes space for new growth. In your attachment to what you’re losing, you may overlook all that you’ve gained. If you hold too tightly to something or someone, you will inevitably lose either that object or your self-respect. You must trust that you’re capable of managing under any circumstance. Instead of forcing your way, be patient and observe. This month promises a natural experience of transition, and as your environment changes, so does your philosophy. This is the magic of self-renewal: within every ending is an opportunity for starting over.
"

Queen of Pentacles

• (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn)
• Connected with sensuality of the body and what is needed to preserve and nurture it.
• Sustaining and conserving energy and material resources, particularly by making  good use of practical talents or creativity.
• Accepting responsibility and being fair in business while giving help of a practical nature. Dependence, possessiveness, resistance to change, lazy, and territorial.
• If  the Queen relates to a situation, it is stable and connected to values.

• Death

• Transformation of form.
• Ending of a cycle beginning of new.
• Shedding of old ways.
• Giving up destructive attitudes.
• Ego death, end of attachments.

my hobbies include portrait tattoos and nervous animals

Far Bruised

I take my paxil, and plan b shortly after.
depression and sex, not worth their side effects, but nonetheless, two things that I've been told on numerous occasions are part of life.

he doesn't like when I touch his hair, but I do it anyway.
he says he hates the asymmetry of his face.
he smells like smoke and I smell like toothpaste.
we do not taste the same.
until we do.
we kiss for hours, and when I fall asleep all I can do is hope he does too.
he cries at the movie on saturday, I cry at the movie on sunday.
he tells me that he likes my outsides, and my insides, but not in a gross way.
he has had two honda civics in a row and so have I.

when we wake up he tells me he had dreams of working, sometimes I also have dreams about him working.

the beginning and the end spiral into one and this is every relationship we ever had and did not have.

there are blood bruises on my neck.

but we were far bruised before this.

Remiscent

"Picture Frame
To see or place a picture in a picture frame in your dream represents a wish to have a current situation or relationship remain the same as it is now. You dread change. Perhaps you are reminiscing of the past. Consider what is depicted on the picture for additional significance. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on "being framed" for something. Is someone in your walking life undermining or working against you?"

"when she tells me that she loves me
there's a pause that means in spite of everything

and i know she really does but that i'm not the man
that i swore i would be

and the questions that i've asked, they are the source of my undoing
but i can't decide between a lie
and that black nothing"

You said you wouldn't and you fucking did

"I miss you when I can't sleep
or right after coffee
or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
still got sand in my sweaters
from nights we don't remember
do you miss me like I miss you?
fucked around and got attached to you
friends can break your heart too,
and I'm always tired but never of you

if I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I never mind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
oh oh, keep it on the low
you're still in love with me but your friends don't know
if you wanted me you would just say so
and if I were you, I would never let me go"

"sometimes i just want to dance and feel good"

It's Fine

i love you so much i bite my tongue till it bleeds, i love you so much i clench my stomach till it heaves. i love you so much i reach for you nightly in my sleep, i love you so. i love you so much it drives me insane, i love you so much i can no longer speak your name. i miss your teeth, i miss your veins, i miss whimper, i miss your whisper, you are as hot as summer, as cold as the right side of my bed. i love you so much i look for you in the street, or when my phone buzzes, i look for you in me, and my future-husbands. i love you so much i nearly burst at the seams, i love you so much i forgot what anything else means, i love you so much it makes me clean, i love you so much i cry and i scream, i laugh and i beam, i miss your dark freckles and your light hair, i love you so much that no one else compares, i love you so much this could never end, i love you so, my best friend.

"my life is no longer mine"

Sitting in the Shower

At Stake

    
     "lucky in my loss, 
     knowing what was at stake"

Rejection

 what is anything?

 my body rejects me
 and i sit and wait for the outcome

 i ask her if her car has any sentimental value
 she says no and i try to believe her

One Million, Billion

I miss the way your face moves when you talk

I would watch your lips

your teeth

I was alive, I was learning, I was living

not anymore 

not anymore

nothing I could write in one million years or one billion words could compare in the slightest to your breathtaking beauty

especially with my eyes closed