Unscripted

I resent being back here. My mind wanders to really happy places, doesn't even wish to leave them. This one night you declined a ride home, and I understood, we stood there like a movie, everything was a bit confusing but symmetrical and beautiful. You kissed me on the cheek before looking to see the look on my face, and before walking away. Or when you were in my car and I took the wrong way to your house, or looking for you in the snow. Or the months standing there idly, like an unfinished cigarette in sand, waiting for you to pick me up, not even knowing if you saw me. All the miscommunication, the poor communication, when I thought you were hiding and you thought I ran away. We still think that. I don't even know if I want to stop thinking about it enough to think of anyone else. No one comes close, but we're still each other.

         "constant reassurance, that's all I need."

Think A Lot Live Without It

"I made longterm plans
based on these mistakes"

Calculated Spontaneity

When I say that something is crazy all I mean is that it makes too much sense. When I say that I've been thinking of you, obviously there is far too much that I could ever say, or too difficult to. I saw him standing there, looking around, as if the universe had dropped him, I laughed at his presence, and eluded to everything I had purposed to say. The first thing I spoke to this arbitrary, yet fated man was that I knew there was no way to find him, what I meant by that was once that fact is realized, more often than not those people drop from the sky.
As soon as I give up on something
it finds me.

"This is so relevant it hurts."

Nothing Is Ever

“In and of itself, nothing really matters. What matters is that nothing is ever ‘in and of itself.’”

So Drop Me A Line

with a hook and some raw, bleeding bait
for I am uncaught
and still swimming alone in the lake


so touch me or don't


just let me know
where you've been"

You Are The Same Persons

I sit here smiling gently, loving you more authentically than anyone has before, it is a bit scary for you, and a bit normal for me, waiting for your departure.
We know how this story plays out, you follow your pattern, and those who taught me intimacy correspondingly taught me loss.
All that I could do differently is upon comprehending the initial pull-away, not letting my dam burst, sousing you, in attempts to drown out a childlike abandonment.

Safe To Fall

I think it is important for me to have it so that I feel comfortable enough to fall asleep in front of somebody, or at least the same time.

Fair

"ex·or·bi·tant adj \ig-ˈzȯr-bə-tənt\


Definition of EXORBITANT
1
: not coming within the scope of the law
2
: exceeding the customary or appropriate limits in intensity, quality, amount, or size


— ex·or·bi·tant·ly adverb

ex·or·bi·tant   [ig-zawr-bi-tuhnt]
adjective
exceeding the bounds of custom, propriety, or reason, especially in amount or extent; highly excessive.

Synonyms
inordinate, outrageous, extreme, extravagant, unreasonable, unconscionable.
Antonyms
fair, reasonable.

ex·or·bi·tant  (g-zôrb-tnt)
adj.
Exceeding all bounds, as of custom or fairness."


EXORBITANT PERSON.

Oh God

My crippling phobia of seeming bored to myself or others has turned me into a pseudo-existentialist. Being out of college for this long and I am remembering now that I am not actually smart at all, just fascinated by and fixated on the notions of purpose or meaning. This is sort of self absorbed, and definitely contrived, trying to find god in glances, dialogue and increasingly, recollections.

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.”

You're Manic

"Sunrise, sunset.
Sunrise, sunset.
Swiftly go the days.
Sunrise, sunset.
You wake up, then you undress.
It always is the same.
The sunrise and the sunsets.
You are lying while you confess, keep trying to explain.
The sunrise and the sunsets
You realize then you forget what you've been trying to retain.
But everybody knows that it is all about the things
that get stuck inside of your head.


You're hopeful then you regret.
The circle never breaks.
With a sunrise and a sunset there's a change of heart or address.
Is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You're manic or you're depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?"



"For a sunrise or a sunset, your lover is an actress.
Did you really think she'd stay?
For a sunrise or a sunset."

But Whatever

""

Spiral

I feel your proximity like a millstone with each and every step
never have I felt further from who I intended to be
far too many days spent spiraling
endless lists of things I will never be good at
now who am I supposed to tell how sorry I feel for myself?

"You speak about me sometimes
But I never understand."

Drunk

  "You can start taking me seriously once I take myself."