Find Me

"The cure for pain is in the pain,
so it's there that you'll find me.
Until again I forget, 
and again he reminds me,
"Hear my voice in your head,
and think of me kindly."

Let me be, let me be..

Lowered down like a casket
and buried just below her chest.
"Whatever I was searching for,
it was never you," she says.
The record ended long ago,
we go on dancing nonetheless.

I opened like a locket, 
"If you're ever cold," I wrote,
"there's warmth inside me.
I'm the pocket of an old winter coat."
But where she used to say "I need you."
Now...."I don't.""

Alive In So Long

keeping you prestine in the museum of my mind
 this is the first time being alive singularly in so long

(for now
take a good long look at everything you aren't missing out on
though you can't
my face is too grossly familiar to observe)

this may not make sense right now
but thank you so much for showing me that I deserve better
I thought I did, but didn't believe it

  "did you come knocking on my door or did I come to yours?
  whose ship came washed up on whose shore?
  and from what ocean floor?

  there wasn't much to her dress 
  and I felt stuck in my body like a horse in quicksand"

"



"

Stare Endlessly

"My dear you are naught but a mirror
Hung high above my bathroom shelf
I stare endlessly looking for answers
But all that I see is myself"

Torn Up?

       "I feel my heart ache, but I've forgotten what that feeling means."

Could Go

I've been thinking a lot about reincarnation, and with the lessons that I have, it really could go either way.

Keep In Mind, Kept In Mind

You can only tell someone you'll let them go so many thousands of times before they take you up on it.

All My

"And you'll remind me how I said you were a quiet bed in all my noise to rest.

Well, I was charming you at best.

Can you remember, dear, my saying how my coming here was a terrible fall?"

Last

 I have conceived that I have a difficult time differentiating nerves, from elation. Obviously, not every time that I feel nervous, but rather when the nerves are not of a negative nature. Perhaps people spiral upwards, the same way that they spiral downwards, I am simply less familiar with the upwards motion and thoughts. I feel okay today, because there is change in the air, although I am an off putting sort of anxious, trust me, I do not normally toss away my breakfast. Trembling hands, teary eyes, how long can this last? Most importantly, should anything last?

Built On

"But something changed as we exposed ourselves, just as it does 
in any relationship built on words instead of deeds."

Just The Same

 These white walls did not render me plain 
 these parents aren't entirely to blame 
 not nature, not nurture 
 all the same I do feel our sadness deep in my veins 

Excruciatingly Detailed

  "He gave me such specific compliments."

Yeah

i felt gross as he placated me
saying
yeah totally
you put in all the effort you possibly could
then absolutely no care
and the outcomes is the same
nonetheless
you want to just give up
see what happens
already knowing
yeah totally

Often

"I’m stomaching nothing. 
I’m reaching for no one. 
I’m leaving this city and I’m headed out to nowhere. 
I carry your image. 

And if you hear me, I think of you often. 
(That’s all I can offer. 
That’s all that I know how to give.)"

Still Dark

"the subsequent catastrophe has since haunted me like a fiberglass ghost in the attic my inconveniently selective memory as provisionally 'you' mercifully withdrew all the bearing points we thought we knew day's run day's set plot our compass shot we sailed waywardly on singing our midnight archer songs until well past dawn it's still dark on the deck of our boats haphazardly blown broken bows our aimless arrow-words don't mean a thing so by now I think it's pretty obvious that there's no God and there's definitely a God"

Heavy Meddling

 Some days even the clouds are too loud, 
 and my memory is only holding me back now