CWR

SUBTLE BODY

"These invisible channels and points are understood to determine the characteristics of the visible physical form. By understanding and mastering the subtlest levels of reality one gains mastery over the physical realm."

"...if we start with the supposition that there is only one primal stuff or material in the world, a stuff of which everything is composed, and if we call that stuff 'pure experience,' then knowing can easily be explained as a particular sort of relation towards one another into which portions of pure experience may enter. The relation itself is a part of pure experience; one of its 'terms' becomes the subject or bearer of the knowledge, the knower, the other becomes the object known."

Allow

“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you’re not.”

You Could Have

left dormant, and useless, trying to pry yourself from memories
so many years
but what are years?
what are memories?
swirling
swirling
swirling

until you are able to heal

“When it comes the hour
where you are alone
and she has left you so hungry
with nothing left to eat but your words,
Remember
You could have
But 
You
Didn’t.”

Foolish

Songs like that coming on vividly reinstate that there is no god, and I did not need that reminder today

Keep Your Friends Close And

    To which I thought, maybe I could love myself by comparison.

Growing Up And Getting Held Back

My own meticority and shortcomings are quite enough, I don't need everyone else's coming to mix in mine, complicating, convoluting whose are whose. I want to be independent, and I think that the genuine desire in and of itself warrants deserving to be. It's not easy for me, either, you know? I wake up most mornings wanting to give up, on everything, I come home from work hating myself so tremendously that I can barely think or function. But I'm trying here, trying to believe I am worth something, anything, more than anything. I can base my decisions off of myself, for myself. Everyone else does without skipping a beat, why should I cater to them, also, when they are mediocre? When they are not even trying.

Sign

My Love

I love you like washing my hands, like the smell of coffee, like talking to my brother, like snow. 
Unconditionally. 
The ones that need it I swear to myself to make that known.

Faint

“You’re the only person I’ve ever met who seems to have the faintest conception of what I mean when I say a thing.”

Sugar Coating

I see that there is a lesson in people like me
and for that I am thankful

A Concealed Brightness

I tightly covered my eyes with the inside arches of my hands, because I had turned the light on. I cried sitting on the toilet, for as long as I could, which was a moment. Nothing can ruins lives quite like a lack of communication, and I could not muster to say
so much as that.

Idleness

"But once I was married my relationship to my destiny began to change. the signs grew more obscure. It was not enough to read them once. I had to consult them again and again and try to figure out the best direction, which would lead me down a path to an end I could admire.
I was always second-guessing myself, always changing my mind. I would return down the wrong road, then set off what I hoped was the right one. Destiny became like an opaque, demanding, poorly communicative parent, and I was its child, ever trying to please it, to figure out what it wanted from me. I tried to read its face for the clues to understand how it wanted me to behave. In all of this, there was an overarching question that never left my mind, an ongoing task that could never be called complete, though I hoped one day it would be."

From That Place

"How their eyes seemed to follow you
like a hated addiction.
Their beauty carved out of absolutes
that you could never claim, or even envision.

You were the saddest song in the shape of a woman. 
I thought you were beautiful,
but I wept with your movements. 
I hope you are laughing now
from that place on the carpet."

Mishaps

  mistakes lead to bigger mistakes,
  and the exact opposite, too.