Seconds

I get lonely late at night, minutes, maybe seconds before I am about to fall into slumber. Some nights are not as bad, some are subtly unbearable. Some nights I reach for my phone, some nights I reach for a pillow. I don't need a single being all day, and suddenly I'm tired, and so weak from longing that my body cannot move while my mind is running a marathon. My thoughts are organized this late, they become lists and categories instead of a stream, or vaguely connected branches. I have woken up with this feeling, and it deteriorates with time, or I just decide to sleep again. I'm not sure if there is a constant, considering that I can recall times where I wasn't even alone. The source is distant, but fairly determined. Sometimes the strange void is filled, but I know when it is not completely, in the moment. I think I just made this all up.

Nothing Could Ever

"we laugh, and laugh, and nothing can ever be sad, no one can be lost, or dead, or far away: right now we are here, and nothing can mar our perfection, or steal the joy of this perfect moment. "

9a.m.

It was almost exactly 9a.m. and I was laying in bed sleepy, as well as tired. The light from my window was shining in and filled my room with a bright blue obnoxious tint, and I was almost certain that I was awake for the rest of the day. I glanced at the clock again and little time had passed, I realized not only was he asleep in my living room somewhere, but also that I had only slept a maximum of six hours. My desire to sleep was stronger now and I thought of almost nothing else (rare, in the state I have recently been in). I then hear rustling from outside my cracked door and soon turn over to attempt to peer out to locate the source. Shortly I am half-asleep and sprawled out calmly, facing the wall with my face directly on the bed. I remember watching him saunter in the doorway, but not much else. Then I unexpectedly feel a hand on the side of my back; hoping to wake me up. I recall being curious as to why I should be awoken but when I look for a reply he stood perfectly still. I assumed that could mean nothing else than that I should be scoot over, so I shift closer to the wall and onto my second pillow. He crawls in slowly and we both readjust until we finally both become comfortable. I remember listening to his breath to see if he had fallen back asleep, and wondered if that was his goal at all in the first place. I realize he is sleeping and began to wonder again, but this time if I would be able to fall asleep. I remember worrying that I would lay here awake for hours. For some reason I was extremely appreciative to be sleeping with someone, and though the feeling of complete-ness wasn't shared, it will still fairly abundant as I began to doze (it was nice to know that after all I had recently put him through he would still prefer this cramped twin over my couch).




"and Mama said Dreams are different than real life but important too"

Solitude

Wikipedia: Solitude

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For other uses, see Solitude (disambiguation).

Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think or rest without being disturbed. It may be desired for the sake of privacy. Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation; i.e., lack of contact with people. It may stem from bad relationships, deliberate choice, contagious disease, disfiguring features, repulsive personal habits, mental illness, or circumstances of employment or situation (see castaway).

A distinction can be made between physical and mental seclusion. People may seek physical seclusion to remove distractions and make it easier to concentrate, reflect, or meditate. However, this is not necessarily an end in and of itself. Once a certain capacity to resist distractions is achieved, people become less sensitive to distractions and more capable of maintaining mindfulness and staying inwardly absorbed and concentrated. Such people, unless on a mission of helping others, don't seek any interaction with the external physical world. Their mindfulness is their world, at least ostensibly.

Drop Everything

"You WOULD drop everything"

Intensified

"WHY IS LOVE SO INTENSIFIED BY ABSENCE?"

Perceptiveness

Dictionary: per·cep·tive   (pər-sĕp'tĭv)

Home > Library > Literature & Language > Dictionary

adj.

1. Of or relating to perception: perceptive faculties.
2. 1. Having the ability to perceive; keen in discernment.
   2. Marked by discernment and understanding; sensitive.

Just Like

This is like how
a sandwich always
tastes better
if it's made for you
by someone else.

Will Ever Be The Same

"Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game

All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -

nothing will ever be the same"

Google

"Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. 

But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie."

This Song

"This song is called trite, I hope you like it
I could've substituted your name with the title but I decided that I'd keep it private"

Been Better, Been Worse

This is the unfamiliar urge to kick something in,
the stains of coffee on a test never completed,
this is when all music sounds bland and cliche,
when time needs to go faster, or slower,
this is waiting for a reply to a message never sent,
the list in my head of all the things you did not do,
this is doing all the work but not getting an answer,
puzzle pieces not matching,
between asleep and awake,
this is drifting,
a loss of words,
sugar no cream,
not me

Burn

""

Q&A

"You're not very good with that; question and answer"

History

"When in doubt- society turns to history"