Don't Have The Energy For A Second Round

Take me anywhere, or leave me here to rot. Something died last year in that house, and I can't seem to resurrect it. Hopes and dreams disintegrated back there. Being reborn from my ashes sounds like too much work.

Take me along, or not, just leave me here to rot. Something in me died last year, whatever it was, I've already forgot. Now I'm spent, who knew how little I had to give, and what it ended up costing, attempting to burn the past like stacks of cash but rebirthing myself from my ashes just sounds exhausting.

Ultimate Relaxation

"BUBBLE BATH 

To dream that you or someone is taking a bubble bath represents ultimate relaxation. You have rid yourself of your worries/difficulties and release all the negative emotions you have been keeping inside."

I was in a small bathroom alone, I begin to draw a bath, there was a thick layer of bubbles, I was free of worries, stresses and fears. I watched the water rise. I watch the lather get higher and higher, but when I went to turn the water off, there was no way to. I didn't know how to stop the running water, it was filling fast, I could not tell if there was a way that I was not seeing, the tub grew increasingly full. I was frantic, panicked, I woke up.

I'ma Keep Keep Calling

"I step quietly, the way that cat's move
But I'm bear-like

My head trapped in dear lights
You can call me John, I'm writing letters to the dark side of the moon tonight
My lovely Jane, you went away but the pain stayed
So I'm sending you a package to the address where you traded names
I made no claims on the identity theft
I'm more concerned about the home with no amenities left
And it's already a mess

The dust piles like your junk mail
So I eat away depression and crush the scale
You find yourself on the opposite side of the spectrum
Emaciated on a strict diet of bed crumbs
Me? I choose to wallow and I'll just swim in my fat
You, refuse to swallow so I see ribs from the back
This isn't an attack, it's an admission of guilt
I'm living in the past, kissing your ass, sipping your milk
But it's all bone and curdle

I saw stones in a circle
Stood in the middle

Told myself riddles in a robe that's purple
The murder weapon was an icicle
Is that the reason why I'm standing in this puddle with my eyes so full?
I fight feelings like a war on drugs
I'm a chemist with a test tube addiction born through coffee mugs
Our baby now is all growed up
Your car is still dead in my driveway while I wait for the tow truck
And you know what? I know I drove you away
I still don't think it was wrong so I don't know what to say
It's been a tough year

You say that life ain't fair
Well, guess what, baby...life ain't

Thems the breaks
You say that life ain't worth it

But it is

You gotta work it
Nobody's life is perfect

Yeah, you've been dealt a bad hand

Placed against a stacked deck
Been through all the cat scans and bad checks
But I slashed your debt

Not your wrists
And I couldn't help with anything else that became cancerous
Halfway people with a full baby to bury
Took a flame to the papier-mache sanctuary
When the smoke clears, try not to stare into the light
But, also, don't stay in the dark as if that's what life is like
It's just a series of unfortunate events
But the messages we get are more important than death
What's the rush?
I've got a shortness of breath
What's the rush?
Running from you...running from me
It's the rush. The crush. The lust. The love-trust
So what's the trouble? The busted bubble? The unjust?
That's just the way the cookie crumbles

It does suck, but suck it up

We're all looking, but nothing's enough
We used each other as a crutch 

The clutch, the shift switches
You couldn't just adjust

You combusted and ripped pictures
This is why I'm not considered a saint?
Well, guess what?

I ain't

It's been a hell of a year"

What Did You Just Call Me?

If you know the movie Fight Club, well, you know that the Narrator and Tyler have a complex relationship, prior to the viewer discovering that they are the same person. Not only does the reader/viewer come to know Tyler Durden to be the Narrator but first the Narrator is shown, himself. The director noted that he wished that the audience would pick up on the nature of the friendship, and its undertones of not romance, not lust, but something, and some people did. At the very tip of the iceberg it is clear as day that the Narrator is jealous of Tyler, because he sees that Tyler is obviously everything that he lacks, as well as desires to be. Sure, the Narrator does not have the looks, maybe not even the brains, but what he covets most about Tyler is his drive, his dedication. Tyler is exactly who he wants to be, and the Narrator very plainly feels an absence of freedom. Again, the tip of the iceberg, but there are several reasons why the Narrator would never suspect Tyler to be a version of himself, first and foremost, he does not find himself at all capable to be that person. Even if he knew that he wanted to try to be someone like Tyler, he does not believe that he can be. Tyler has taught him so much, Tyler is so variant from him, Tyler has to be his own person, how else could the Narrator have all these feelings about him? Though, subsequent to the exposure of Tyler, you think about how it makes so much sense that he was the Narrator all long, you think, how else would he have all of these feelings regarding him. I guess if you've ever been in that same situation, you understand why he has to kill this perfect human being, Tyler.




"Is Tyler my bad dream or am I Tyler's?"

"there is something attractive about a man who feels the misery of life"

Shells

you said anyone could pick up on my victim vibe, i can barely hear anything over the time bomb ticking. squeamish, and itching to move, sweating bullets i just may end myself with.

It Gets Late

You're inebriated, but drive and come find me; it is far less poetic than it sounds. I want more than anything to tell you to be careful, but I can't figure out how, so I don't. A part of me wishes you gave up when you should have, as I watch myself verbally attack you, judge you, attempt to extract any and all emotions I think to be plausible. I wonder the entire time how and when exactly it is that relationships turn into two people using each other. I know love and caring are buried down there somewhere, but at the level we are at it is sucking the marrow out of each other, back and forth (I like to think for survival). I knew that I couldn't sleep alone, and you knew that you couldn't go home, so we end up together, and I guess we lost who each other were when we lost who we, ourselves are. You don't say goodbye as you walk away, leave your dishes in the sink. I wake up alone, to the recollection of taunting you about what's in your car, we both know I wish you'd get pulled over, and I am sorry for that. Someone told me once that all relationships (and their state of being) simply reflect the persons in them. This makes an abundance of sense to me. You are fiercely seeking all escapes from this life, and I am simultaneously pushing it deep into my veins. I hope we get healthy again, and you never say that nothing sounds interesting or appealing, and I never again say that I hate you. Maybe you're just as low as I am, and someone I love once told me there is a set path for a reason, to stay on it, and I hope you find it. And the other night when we talked about the 'alternative', and if I do get stuck on that thank you for not giving up. You drop things like me, and I fuck up things like you, we did always say that we were each other's exception to rules, I hope you remember.

Broken Conscience

The sad thing is that if you could read this it wouldn't even be you. Your soul transplant, insensitivity injections, disinterest extensions, your compassion reduction, creative bypass, heart reconstruction. Airbrush imperfections, happiness replacement, love extraction, would you recognize me?

Circles

OO

Our lives are small circles, moving at their

own pace but continually turning, never coming to 

a complete halt, but never touching. The circles are so close,

 they are right next to each other, if the space were measured 

in time it would be minutes, perhaps even seconds, 

and if it were measured by distance, a mere street. 

They overlapped each other once, then spun 

slowly away, but not too far.

Infinitely.

More Than A Cat Chance For A Kitty Party

   

   I tell that cat that if I saw it to be any more consistently interested 


   that I would lose interest, and I come to know again that nothing is what it is.

Awake

INSOMNIA   INDUCES   LOOSE   LIPS,   BUT   HOW   LONG   CAN   A   SHIP   SINK

you spit in my mind's eye
and now i can't even look in the mirror
without thinking of all the things you never meant to teach me

You Are A Dream

"I could live forever between the lines of your teeth and eat nothing but memory and purge myself clean"

Dead Fish

“I like people too much or not at all. I’ve got to go down deep, to fall into people, to really know them.”

“But when it came right down to it, the skin of my wrist looked so white and defenseless that I couldn’t do it. It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn’t in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at.”

"Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish."

Lights Up The Night

"Make a wish, because your plans will soon take form. If you've fallen out of touch with your faith or forgotten what your purpose is, take a moment to re-imagine it. Ask yourself what it is that you love or what makes you most happy. Find your dharma and infuse it into the seemingly mundane parts of your life. A sense of purpose makes anything you do meaningful. Share your splendor with others. As you rekindle your own light, you inspire others to shine theirs. Don't be afraid to ask for help; people you know want to support you."

"The unclothed woman represents both purity and vulnerability. The pitchers are symbols of potential and this scene of the woman releasing their contents underscores how The Star card rewards those who are generous at this moment in their life. When we give, we create energy – represented here by the ripples and the streams. The gold star dominating the scene lights up the night in a magical way that the sun never could. In this starlight, vulnerable and pure, giving and genuflecting, the woman will see the world so differently that it will inspire her to create something that is different. This inspiration to create is the manifestation of hope that is the core energy released by The Star card. When we have hope, we have something to live for, somewhere to move towards, someone to love – even if it is ourselves.
If there is a downside to all of this, it is that The Star card is a quintessentially impractical card. The idealism expressed in all of this card's symbols is not solid enough to assist one to feed a family or earn a living. Remember that The Star is otherworldly – the concerns of this world are not arranged in the same priority. A fantastic inspiration is something that has no basis in reality. We must work to incorporate our visions of how the world should be with the reality of the way the world is.

The Star may have left you broke and in debt with all of your hopes for success now expressed in complex philosophy instead of brilliant masterpieces."


"Is your partner allowing you room to be yourself because you bring so much to the relationship?


When this card appears in the future position of a reading, expect big changes to come about as you gain expertise. Where you are now in your life may one day be looked back on as your "apprentice" period."


"A better future is waiting for you but in order to reach it you must trust that it is indeed possible."