“I get it now. The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end.”

A Glass Can Only Spill

"oh you pious and profane,
put away your praise and blame,
said, "A glass can only spill what it contains"
to the perpetually plain and the incurably inane
a glass can only spill what it contains

what new mystery is this?
what blessed backwardness?
the Immeasurable One is held and does not resist!
struck by wicked words and foolish fists of senseless men
the Almighty One does not defend!

I was halfway listening to what she thinks she knows
we're like children dressing in our parents' clothes, saying,
"Nobody knows me, (nobody knows me)
no one knows my name,
no, nobody knows me, (nobody knows me)
nobody knows me..."
I half-heartedly explained
but gave up peacefully ashamed
as a glass can only spill what it contains
we went to Portugal and Spain
and in her mind the entire time it rained!
a glass can only spill what it contains

what new mystery is this? in overflowing emptiness
the Invisible is seen among the shadows and the mist,
before my doubting eyes the Infinite appears in time-
the Unquestionable is questioned but makes no reply"

Human Costumes

"I used to wonder where you are
these days I can't find where you are not."

Robbed

your hand is bloody, it was, dry now. knuckles.
I ask if it hurts, when you allude to it, you don't answer.
I remember thinking that I can be worried, discontent, it's fair, I'll allow myself to think it.
someone call me, for people this small cannot hold other things this big.

What

My epiphany today I guess is really actually about people not changing their actions in regards to the other person's actions. People would do what they would do, which is what they want to do.
My brother asked today why it was that him and I are slightly different in that. I thought about it for a while, thinking that I do do what I want to regarding other people (despite them). Then I wrote you a poem, and never told you, knowing that you would hate it. I think I just wish that things were as pretty for people as they deserve them to be. Which I think is also why I do not ever find myself good enough for your life, luckily I find people feeling bad enough to in turn find me suitable.
I think that I will spend a lifetime walking upon eggshells that were never even ever there.
I wrote the other day that you want and need someone who feels well but treats you shitty, meanwhile, I feel shitty but treat you well. 
Today I wrote you, thanking you for reteaching me trust and moderation (again), two things that got a bit skewed and shattered in the past.
I am really just worried that because I feel that I am nice, I am entitled to everything. The scariest thought being that this is all really just about me.

Refrain

I know you probably think that I am pessimist disguised as a realist
So I refrain from asking what I wish to, which is if there will ever be an end to this
I chose not to in fear of you taking that the wrong way
and how people would when you ask them if they think you won't be friends some day
which is as someone asking any query with one answer, for some petty validation
so I can feel better about myself, relishing in the given explanation
but I am really just wanting to know if you are capable
or if everything comes to an end, and that I already know it's inescapable
though you would tell me I am absurd
using some empty words, to make me feel better
like promise, love, or forever
before you go, just tell me so that I can show
that you were what I wanted in a friend
someone to reteach me trust and moderation, again
while I still have the chance let me tell you what I appreciated
though it was everything, from the sobbing to the laughter

Blue Moon

"I am so sorry.
I try incredibly hard;
I can’t overcome."

Two People

My cups of coffee gets colder and colder, quicker and quicker. Last night in my dream I looked up at you, saying that I have been devastated in this time, I said as strongly as I could, "I have missed you every day." You paused, I figured you were displeased. You replied, "You never told me." I walked with you, thinking of how hard it was for two people to keep getting along, I touched your back to get your attention, I was happy again.

Tear Paths

You and I were outdoors somewhere, unfamiliar, I recall you sitting, but I do not know if I was also. Completely fixated on your face, I did not acknowledge my surroundings at any point. I was quiet, and you were speaking almost softly, I wasn't sure how intentional it was, but the more increasingly intimate our conversation, the closer our faces grew towards each other's. Our eye contact was petrifying, and if it did not hold such levity for me, I would have broken away, initially wanting to very badly. You were talking of a girl that you had feelings for, and it was not merely a personal conversation, but understood that you were describing for me, and only me your emotions and thoughts. It did not feel at all romantic, but rather just absolute, and very close, I could feel my face and see his so clearly. I could feel thoughts, while seeing feelings. Everything was very defined, and vivid. It was like a movie in its timing, or a hyperrealism painting with its beauty and flawlessness, and I was only within that very moment. His emotions then afflicted me strongly, like a wave that had hit me so suddenly, the closeness and intimacy was overwhelmingly so, but I did not want him to watch me cry. I glanced away fleetingly, looking at nothing but a blur of colors for just an instant, and when our eyes met again, I saw large lines of wet tears, flowing down his cheeks. I was taken-aback, in awe, and his face was serene, not sad. As soon as I felt his rawness, and saw it, I felt my own tears begin to stream downward, then fall steadily, only harder. My thoughts then left his face and words for the very first time, my mind wandered briefly to a memory of him and I discussing a scenario much like the one that we were in, now. I believe it was pertaining to the specialness of crying with someone, specifically when due to not being upset, but only the personal nature of a rapport so honest. I was back in the present moment, and very much so, we observed and felt deeply each other crying, and I recall watching the pulse of new tears sliding down the path of tears before it. We persisted to cry, mutually, and without an end in sight. Everything was delicate and radiant, and I received love in its truest form, we thought each other's thoughts, then I woke up.
"To dream that you forget or can't find where you parked your car indicates that you are dissatisfied or unhappy with an aspect of your waking life. You do not know what you really want to do with your life or where you want to go"

Naive

What a fanciful idea; that I would depend on nothing, that all things would work out.

Friends

I love the people that I know.
I love what they say to me, and I love how they make me feel when things are good.

Right Thing To Say

I said, I don't know what to do, I don't know what people want, if I did I would do it, but I just do not. You  were drunk, and probably only wanted to talk about how the front steps of your house felt like a stoop. But then you said that when I say "talk to you later" it is "a stab in the heart". I use the word dismiss. I comprehend nothing. I fall asleep in the middle of your bed. Later, have a dream that I am stuttering, can't find the right words. I wake up, sick from it.


So possessed with the notion of right and wrong.

September

"Family matters are at the forefront this month, and how you deal with them says more about you than you realize. You will be expected to take greater initiative and responsibility, and although this may be challenging, the rewards are great. A male figure could provide extra support but may also try to dominate the situation. It would be wise to turn down any help that comes with a price. Trust your power right now! By the end of the month, the issue should become more manageable, and you, in turn, more confident. Make an effort to connect with siblings."

"The future position is an uncomfortable position for The Emperor. The days and weeks ahead are vague and quite affected by the smallest decisions of the here and now. The Emperor card demands to assert itself. When The Emperor card is here, anticipate a change to come into your life in a bold manner; expectations to conform in the way you carry yourself may be part of this picture. Regardless of the situation, understand that new demands to follow a specific behavioral prescription will be coming your way and coming in the near future. Prepare now to submit, evade or resist."

"The 6 of Cups is often a card about nostalgia; looking back on how things "used" to be. It can be (but is not always) connected with children or childhood.
It's important not to spend too much time and effort thinking about the "good old days." We all have happy memories to reflect on from time to time, but if we start thinking that the "best of all years have gone by", then that can become a self fulfilling prophecy."
"
Trust
Sharing
Harmony
Nostalgia
Surrender
Openness
Generosity
Friendship
Partnership
Community
Perspective
Forgiveness
Giving/Receiving
"

"Am I leading by example?

What kind of ruler am I?

Am I being inflexible? Too practical?

Do I need some advice on this situation?

Upon what resources am I calling in order to be the best leader?

What's my strategy to accomplish these goals and are they realistic?

"

Deserving

I told you admittedly that it is hard to know that you(I) deserve good things when you(I) don't feel all that spectacular about yourself(myself). You asked if I wanted to know the answer to my everything, I waited, and you said, "Thick skin". Somehow, it hurt my feelings.

"Go Write It In Your Diary"

Tonight was the first night all summer (and longer than that, for that matter) that I have felt included. It takes so much. 
(He said that I need to end up with someone like him, someone who will push me.)

"With you, when you want something, you'll ask, when you don't, you won't."