Won't Know

"Sometimes we don't do things so that other's won't know we want to do them."

Glass

the only place i could possibly be with him is in my dreams. not touch him, not kiss him, just be in his presence. but even in the off the chance that he is there, he is far away. always through glass, yet ironically i am never trying my hardest to get to him; i guess it has always been better that way.

Movies

To Buy:

• Closer
• Fight Club
• Mean Girls
• Time Traveler's Wife
• Yes Man
• The Incredibles

Stuck

I'll be stuck here forever
With all this food and drink
All of this slander
A repeat of familiar faces
And familiar faces
I want no one around
Skip town
Lonesome alone
I used to be happy in my dreams
Reality is always mocked so it seems
Never clean, what self esteem?
I'm driving home
So I sing
and I sing
Always coming back to this parental banter
Driving back to all this food and slander

Only

Everyone ignores the 115 miles

when they're talking about me. 

What They Are

"I'm never happy with the way these things turn out

They sound exactly like what they are"

Everybody

“What I really hate is me so I hate pretty much everybody.”

Nobody Likes That

Someone once told me that everything in life is coincidental, that everything that people notice is what they want to notice and make those events and words what they want them to be. There is no fate, there is no God, merely events, and the improper analyzation and interpretation of them. People's heads are clouded with concepts like fate, and freedom, and love. But why is it that some couples marry with no intent of reproduction if all of this is about offspring?

That Hurts

Classmate

"It was painful getting up this morning"

Mermaids

"I am nothing but a shell of the man I once was
so you could put me to your ear
and actually hear yester-year's ocean

I was in shape then
A much better built body
Of water with infinite waves
and fathomless depths
where you could have gone deep-sea fishing for compliments
and caught plentiful schools of reassuring comments

Now all you get is the boot

You fell for the bait and got hooked on what you thought i was
Now we're both struggling to win this tug of war of the worlds
Where we breath the same air it's just done differently
And I'm trying to figure out ways to have comfortably survive outside your element
Compromising intelligence
I dabbled in watered-down thoughts that
Filtered in from main-stream

I'm offering mind-altering ideas that make the most quiet nature brain
Scream from exposure to the types of things that won't
Necessarily make you happier

They'll just give you a greater range of emotions

And I can feel myself getting lured into deeper oceans of
Fantasy lands
Where people think they're as safe as cartoons
Simply because they speak in bubbles

A sanitized safe-haven
Where you could face Satan and
Have his faith straightened
His new goal would be to dethrone Poseidon and
Have Neptunes place taken.
They'd swash-buckled with their pitchforks
While Lucifer shit talks and rips
Thoughts of coral reefs
For relief he'd be like "bitch, walk"
From this oversize aquarium that daddy kept cleanly
To unhealthy degrees
Writing suicide notes with invisible ink
On transparencies
And posting them to the glass boundaries that
Surround the seas of change

Strangely enough, while bringing back the reel
I could sense intense resistence
So I had no other choice
but to cut the line. I'm not
saying you're overly naive
I just think you should get into the habit of checking to see when strings are attached.

Fortunate for you I'm compassionate enough
To throw back what I catch
If its underdeveloped
And needs time to grow; though
I'm remorseful of the pain I've caused you

And I want to kiss your lips better

I sympathise with the sorrow by
Stroking the scar of my own traumatic experience with
My excommunicated tongue

See I know exactly what you mean when you say
It hurts to much to talk
I've been there
I don't plan on returning 'cause
No matter how much of a distance I kept
Or how long I waited for my wounds to heal
They'd re-open with the slightest flash-back

So I sued time for malpractice
That bastard's a hack with a
Rusty scalpel and
Barbed-wire stitched thread
Instead of seeing things clearly
They're pitch red and there's this glitch in my head
That's got me thinking contradictions
It said:

"There are more fish in the sea!
Whether you hear me not,
Or you listen to me.
Whether you listen to me or
Hear me not!"

There are more micro-organisms in my teardrop
But fear not
I'd never sink as low as to
Make my ears pop

And I imagine now you only want to swim with members of your own league
And don't need me
Meddling
Sending sonar signals
High-pitched notes or symbols
My voice is thrown far but ripples are only caused when you cast stones

But you shouldn't throw rocks
If you live in fragile fairy tales


This really means a lot to me...
Ill always treasure it..as a token

No you won't...
This is for the girl who loves me, the girl who cares about me for who i am, not what I look like!
I just wanted you to know what you'd be missing.
You think I don't appreciate art, you think I don't understand fashion, you think I'm not hip, you think im pathetic, a nerd... a lard ass, a fatso.
You think I'm shit, but you're wrong, 'cuz im champagne, and your shit!
Until the day you die, you, not me, will always be shit!"

Regret

my three main regrets regarding my life so far are 1. attempting to be different. 2. not trying hard enough and 3. not trying hard enough concerning people

Hours Later

Psychology is the examining of metal functions and behaviors of a person(s). With billions and billions of synapses in the human brain odds are that some things happen inaccurately or circumstances can affect a person in a peculiar way. Psychologists have countless concepts to explain each reaction, situation, or trend. But not only are psychologists interested in abnormal mental processes, literature as well as the media also finds an interest as well.

Fight Club, a 1996 novel written by Chuck Palahniuk was turned into a major motion picture in 1999. The book, as well as the movie, is about a man who is frustrated with his white-collar job, the effects of advertising and the media, and the consumer culture among other things. The narrator’s traveling for business as well as constant misery due to his life and the world around him resulted in what he believed to be insomnia. As the plot thickens, the narrator meets and begins to live with a man named Tyler Durden (a man who is everything the narrator in secret desired to be), they begin an underground fighting club and give up their attachment to all things materialistic or egotistical.

The narrator’s apartment blowing up lead him to live with Tyler, and his invention of the fight clubs generated many followers, and though the narrator seems content at last (now sleeping at night and free from all material connections) he is still working towards becoming the ideal person Tyler aspired him to be. Tyler was already enlightened, was together with a woman Marla, and wholeheartedly lived by the ideals of fight club. In the end, the narrator eventually figures out that Tyler is a figment of his imagination; a part of his personality literally brought to life by his mind to bestow the strength in him to become the person he truly longed to be.

Many psychological concepts play a role in this story, first and foremost is the idea characterized as negative reinforcement. This concept is shown over and over again; the narrator had such a true hatred for his job, his life, and the people in them. All of the forces that weighed on him daily drove him to this extreme reaction to reinvent himself to create personal happiness. From detecting his own dependence on material things, “the things you own end up owning you”, to hating the fact that his boss was addicted to caffeine, made the narrator fabricate subconsciously such a motivating character (also known as multiple personality disorder). Without the excessive negative reinforcements he would have never been driven enough to reaction so extraordinarily.

None of the switching between characters, from the narrator to Tyler and vice versa, would have been able to occur if it wasn’t for the misinformation effect. The narrator did not recall for months on end anything whatsoever regarding being Tyler. The narrator believed that he was fighting Tyler in the clubs, not himself, and thought that it was Tyler who chemically burned his hand to enlighten him. He trusted this information so strongly that he completely blocked out of his own mind the destroying of his whole apartment, and recalled being him only. To live the life that he wanted; getting the girl he liked, quitting the job he loathed, blowing up the furniture he was reliant on, he had to have faith in this misinformation to be the truth.

The last most relevant mental concept that is significant to this narrative is observation learning. The narrator knew exactly what he detested, and knew also precisely what he wished to become. From watching television, reading magazines and observing those around him, he concluded what he thought had befallen the world. Tyler, his alter ego understood perfectly how people thought and worked, and how companies operated and controlled, which not only greatly benefitted the narrator but also was so relatable to the other fighters of the club. He was an average Joe with typical problems and judgments on what he observed day to day. The narrator did not have a father or someone to teach him what he knew about society and consumerism, “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact, and we’re very, very, pissed off”, he observed it all himself.

The combination of the negative reinforcements in his life, with the misinformation effect allowing him to essentially be two different people, and his observational learning to perceive the world around him, made for mental calamity, or really in his case, somewhat of a miracle. How I think that this relates to society in general is although not many people create a superior self who functions as they sleep, many people are discouraged and frustrated with how their life has turned out at some point. I think a lot of people use observational learning to make apparent within them the importance of the forces around them, and additionally I know that some people are disgusted with consumerism. More than likely, a number of people must have reinvented their lives in some way to resolve their enslavement by the belongings that in actuality meant nothing to them.

Mean Anything

"What you don’t understand, you can make mean anything."

Anything Good

Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? 


Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on! 


Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

Pathetic Means

I believe that I am too young to view sex as a pathetic means of communication.

Weaknesses

"These kids play Red Rover? I look for weaknesses to run through."

Human

"You're a different human being to everyone you meet."

“I thought we were a real love relationship. I did. I was very invested in love, but it was just this long long sex thing that could end at any moment because after all, it's just about getting off. Almost all the time, you tell yourself you're loving somebody when you're just using them. This only looks like love.”

Bite Your Tongue

"If you love somebody and bite your tongue all you get is a mouth full of blood."

Home

"He is painting his own dome 
but can't tell his dreams from his home"

Baggage

"In 7 seconds I'll become undone, I'm breaking through
if you're around by the time I reach number one I'm taking you
You're not the traveling type? Then hide your baggage better
before you die a normal death and write the average letter


about your internal furnace
and how life's a sexually transmitted disease that you contracted from her kiss
when a boy writes off the world it's done with sloppy misspelled words if
a girl writes off the world it's done in cursive


I'm searching for the cure
this is a sickness
can you hear me, love?"

For Better

11:13 PM

somehow i still find that arousing... maybe i just really miss you that much haha

Were Sick

REMEMBER HOW SOME STRANGERS TURNED THEIR CAR AROUND WHEN THEY SAW THAT YOU WERE SICK

Chosen Anyone

Dan: Why me? You could have chosen anyone. Why me?


Alice: Because you cut off your crust.

This Was Written

A while ago:


"I think that it's very rare for someone to fully appreciate the event of having them make the right decision, and benefitting from that choice. We're all so caught up with bad things happening, unlucky events, negative choices/their negative repercussions. It's such a truly excellent feeling to know your own happiness is a result from nothing, but yourself. There are probably thousands and thousands of times a day where every person needs to make a choice. Sometimes they are forgotten moments later, and sometimes they still sting years and years later. Whether they are big or small choices posed, both can so easily bring joy (miniscule or large) to someone else's life or your own. Decisions are the most important thing in the world. And many say your death is not in your own hands. I believe every decision in life not only defines your life by determines your death. I also believe there is no such thing as an unimportant choice, because everything no matter how small, slightly (or largely) effects something later on. Or at least is adding to your character and simply who you are as a person."

A Diary

"Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary."

You Yourself

It's more than slightly disheartening learning that all the morals, and standards and emotions that you believed so strongly that YOU made for yourself were engrained with hardly any of your own input at all.


But it's fine.

Questions of Life

"Why should I live? Why should I do anything? Is there in life any purpose which the inguitable death that waits me does not undo and destroy?"

Glorified

"It’s just a glorified, elaborate version of the worst breakup you’ve ever been through."

Psych Class

"You're an emotional animal"

Caveman

Anna: Why is the sex so important? 

Larry: Because I'm a fucking caveman! 

Special

What if the only special thing about me is how you believe that I am in some way special?