Reminders

 “Why should I be sad? I have lost someone who didn’t love me. But they lost someone who loved them.”

I'm Alive But I'm Sinking In

"I belong anywhere but in between
she's been lying
I've been sinking
and I am the rain

hey, I only want the same as anyone

oh, it seems night endlessly begins and ends
after all the dreaming I come home again..."

Glad To See

last night I had a dream that you came to me

you said that you were happy to see 

after all this time

I still find pleasure in misery 

I've Been Confused

I found that caged birds don't sing

they squeal and squak unembarassingly

pigeons panic loudly

I am not a bird

the sliver of sun through the blackened window 

hits my broken body, all welts and weakness

lights up the constellations on soft sacred skin

the stars spell out my secrets

and some days I am too tired to romanticize the locust 

the blood sea 

the revenge I live with now must be put bluntly

so I keep my mouth shut 

keep my sharp tongue still 

the darkness

it's raining frogs in my mind

and by that I mean I've been confused for a long time

Masters

“We are the masters of the unsaid words, but the slaves of those we let slip out.”

Too Emotional, Even This

This has turned self destructive for me, sometime recently, and for that I must step away, for an undetermined, but definite amount of time. This is not you, something you've done, or some way that you have felt.  I would far rather weaken this with silence, than any level of psychological abuse. This means everything to me, and I can no longer feel sorry for the choices I find right in my heart, with both of us, equally, in mind. 

If we are in too raw a state to fix this together, I will take it upon myself to the best of my ability to preserve the positivity with my own two hands. You inspire me every day to be a better person, same goes for the days in which we do not speak, it was made clear is fine with you anyway. I can only pray that the cloying person who leaves, returns with at very least the tools to process and handle things differently within it. I am not proud of the game I have far too frequently been engaging in; this may be the first thing that I tell you in a long while without the intention of invoking a reaction. The behavior must stop, it will stop.

I Check My Phone And You Knew

I want someone with calm eyes, but with wild desperation in their heart (for me)

I want someone that I deem as perfect

and they never prove me wrong 

at least not about that

I want quiet, thoughtful, 

more kind than I could have ever imagined before I felt it

I want you

and I scare myself so badly I can't sleep at night 

Plastic Bag