I Didn't Feel Much And Could Ask For Nothing More

Last new year's eve, a year ago, tonight.

I stood outside in the porch light, there was the unavoidable countdown till midnight, and in those following moments I stood there, motionless and silent. All those around me threw champagne drops, kissed multiple mouths, and screamed, at everyone and no one.

This was the best new year's I've had.

Stable Enough

“Undress. Take off your clothes. Take off your body. Hang them up behind the door. Tonight we can go deeper than disguise.”

“I’m not stable enough emotionally to even hug you without meaning it with every ounce of me.”

Lizz

Why Would I Do That

"I don't want to talk about this, Doc"

"Then write about it"

"You said yourself, writing about it brought you solace"

"Yeah, well it didn't bring anyone else much solace"

I am happy, it is terrifying, truly.

The wondrous part about what has been before, is that now I feel more gratitude than anyone thought possible. If I sleep during the night I am great, if I see someone I love every day I am great, I get home from work and I am happy to be home, alive, well, home, in love with everything, happy.

“You are enough. You are so enough, it is unbelievable how enough you are.”

You Were Here To Stay

missing you is not as glamorized as I've made it sound
in most of my dream you are merely there watching me, just standing around
you were everything, every single day, we went from exchanging all things, to only exchanging pain
something shifted out of sight making us utterly estranged, something I acutely found I did not have the power to rearrange
you told me that I was necessary, how exactly did that change? Did it change?

She Wants To Dance

"she wants to dance to my pulse

but I got heart murmurs"

"what you were
will not happen again."

Done Putting You Down

Even when we're all up.

Never going to make you feel that way again.

Dec Again