Dad

"There's no such thing as a happy family."

Nothing To

"''

I Am Sorry Every Day Of My Life

""

Like An Orange

Civilization is divided into parts, like an orange, and when you
peel the skin off, pull the sections apart, chew it, the
final result is a mouthful of pale pulp which you can either
swallow or spit
out."

“

I Was Learning

I thought what I was learning then was the more that you give the more that you get. But that was not it.

You Never TIcked Me Off

you never ticked me off. well you did but it was different because it would be intentional. you knew just what you were doing. and how ticked off i would be and how long i would stay ticked off for. you knew just how pleased you would want to make me and knew it would make me happy. you never asked the things everyone else asks. you never stayed too long. you knew just how to make me sad. i'm not sure if you knew how sad but you knew how to cure it nonetheless. and yes i was that pliable, but i let myself be, it was nice knowing i could nearly return the favor, for a while. 

Being Alone

“there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often 
when you do
it’s too late
and there’s nothing worse
than 
too late.”

But I Wasn't

"but every Saturday night we were finding something out: we were finding out more and more that we were not alone. It used to be that when I came home angry and depressed I'd just clean my condo, polish my Scandinavian furniture. I should have been looking for a new condo. I should have been haggling with my insurance company. I should have been upset about my nice, neat, flaming little shit. But I wasn't."

Relevance Reprise

"So let's speak of London 
Speak of Amsterdam 
Speak of everything except 
That we don't speak unless with friends 
Or of the plans you made before you left 
And followed up on upon your return 
Everything these hands have built together can all burn 
If you can't look me in the face back in the States without turning away 

As I turned my back to rest 
It was decided it was best for all 
"In my best interest" 
That certain knowledges stayed kept 
Hanging just above me in the air there where I slept 
Or on the quiet lips of those I've come to know as friends 
Or in the subtle way a stare across a room can say all that's gone unsaid 

I guess it must've never crossed your mind 
But then in ten days in a van, who has the time?"

so let's speak of san francisco

speak of los angeles 

speak of anything except, how we don't speak unless fake friends surround

or of all the plans you had to leave me in this same town

and disregard me in your return

all the beautiful things we made each other can all burn

if in privacy you're still fake, and talk that way, hardly look me in the face

you always turn away

and to you i turned my own back, forced to face the rest

i decided to be like you and pretend it was for our best

"in our best interest"

but all the feelings prior, well they stay kept

with me not with you, and hang in my head, so since then i haven't slept

or hang behind the lips of those who watched how it was, these so-called friends

or in a subtle stare across a party that says all that's gone unsaid

well all of this, i guess it never crossed your mind

but then it two years laying on your carpet who has the time

Cave

I should have known I was no different and the ceiling was destined to cave
but instead I let every word since comprise an ode disclosing how I wish you'd had stayed

Substance Fits

You scooped out my insides so accurately, and swift. As a result, I simply linger here, just like cemetery mist. The hollowness fades, at such a painful pace, the morning fog rolled in graciously just to try to fill my empty space.

Seriousness

The depth, sincerity,  severity, and thoroughness of this resentment could drive anyone away.
But he made the coffee and cream just how I like it,  

and he stayed.

Special

You want to feel one of a kind so much you'll beg for the other to change just to display that for you.

Mean

Most of the time people are so mean and awfully inhumane that it's difficult to believe we were all born here this same way.

Calling

The seagulls call, 

the ocean calls, 

you never call.

Shinjū

double suicide, one sided.

Asterick

    *People who come bearing gifts don't believe their own presence is enough

Intersecting

I saw you this morning at an intersection, my mind went empty as you just drove on by, I wished more than anything that we didn't miss each other's eyes, it reminded me of what I think of falling asleep every night; how I miss you and wish we both could collide.

Dream

"Without you I don't sleep.

Just dream."

Languishing

lan·guish

–verb (used without object)

1.

to be or become weak or feeble; droop; fade.

2.

to lose vigor and vitality.

3.

to undergo neglect or experience prolonged inactivity; sufferhardship and distress: to languish in prison for ten years.

4.

to be subjected to delay or disregard; be ignored: a petitionthat languished on the warden's desk for a year.

5.

to pine with desire or longing.

6.

to assume an expression of tender, sentimental melancholy.

–noun

7.

the act or state of languishing.

8.

a tender, melancholy look or expression.

lan·guish  (lnggwsh)

intr.v. lan·guished, lan·guish·ing, lan·guish·es

1. To be or become weak or feeble; lose strength or vigor.

2. To exist or continue in miserable or disheartening conditions.

3. To remain unattended or be neglected.

4. To become downcast or pine away in longing.

5. To affect a wistful or languid air, especially in order to gain sympathy.

Lament

So what happened to recovery? I've spent more time mourning this then you ever spent with me. I've spent more time recuperating than I'll even admit, resulting quite pathetically in no mend. I suppose the repercussions will never truly end, because I will never again trust another friend.

Nothing Was Missing

"In the same clothes that we could always wear 
Because we were sewn into a couch 
Both so opposed to going out 
Yeah, it’s funny: it’s no different now 
Except that you never come around 
There’s no more handing off of glasses 
As you head off late for classes 
There’s no bedside staring matches 
So there’ll be no further distractions 
From the vastness of my bed 
Or the fucking bastard inside my head 
Who’s always listing all of my regrets 
These days he won’t shut up so I get no rest 

And that’s the reason I gave up on sleeping 
And I guess that’s why I’m always off daydreaming 
And recently it’s really had me thinking 
That when you claim to know what’s best you may just be mistaken"