"I wanted to breathe smoke"

That Be So

  “I loved her and she killed me. That be so.
 I killed her all, too. 
The ability of sleep leaves you forever. Odd.”

Doors

when my prescription bottle rattles my cat thinks that it is dry food and comes up to me
I try to put meaning to that but there is none
my cat plays with an identical plush version of himself
i am an identical plush version of myself

I haven't written anything in months, not anything
my roommate told her boyfriend that she is polygamous and got broken up with so is now dating her ex boyfriend
I liked her previous boyfriend better but understood why he did what he did

I wish that I could lay in bed and fast forward time (years)
when things are back to normal I won't care what I missed (aside from movies)
and will commence my life how I wish to now

I worry often that my cat thinks his name is Come Here
my boss told me that I like everything that I like ironically
and I realized I like that about myself ironically

my cat prefers to be occupied than touched
same
my cat only sleeps when others do
same
my cat eats a lot to get it over with quickly
same

I want to be invited to everything but have no one really mind whether it not I show
I want people to want me to accompany them so badly that they come to my door to get me
I want to be left alone for so long that I can later describe the time as introspective and transformative

finding myself only clothes shopping for you I was overcome with a strange, foreign feeling that I could be reminded of someone new, and not just that, but I wanted to get you things, with the little money I don't have, and I did, and it was worth it
it's 11pm and you will arrive in three and a half hours

I live with two insufferable 21yos, a feral cat, and an autistic narcissist
living with myself remains to be the worst part