Method Acting

"There is no beginning to the story
A bookshelf sinks into the sand
And a language learned and forgot, in turn, is studied once again
It's a shocking bit of footage viewed from a shitty TV screen
You can squint at it through snowy static to make out the meaning
And keep on stretching the antennae, hoping that it will come clear
We need some reception, a higher message, just tell us what to fear Because I don't know what tomorrow brings
It is alive with such possibilities
All I know is I feel better when I sing
Burdens are lifted from me
That's my voice rising 

So Michael, please keep the tape rolling
Boys keep strumming those guitars
We need a record of our failures
As we must document our love 
I've sat too long in my silence
I've grown too old in my pain
To shed this skin, be born again, it starts with an ending
So thank you friends for the time we shared
My love stays with you like sunlight and air
Oh I truly wish I could keep hanging around here
My joy is covering me
Soon, I will disappear

It's not a movie, no private screening
This method acting, well, I call that living
It's like a fountain, a door has opened
We have a problem with no solution but to love and to be loved
So, I've made peace with the falling leaves
I see their same fate in my own body
But I won't be frightened when I am awoken from this dream
And returned to that which gave birth to me
Gave birth to me, gave birth to me, gave birth to me
And the story goes, and the story goes, and it goes
On and on and on and on..."

Great

"Just so you know, you have absolutely no right to blame me for our failed friendship. If anyone was to blame, which i don't think there is, it'd be you."

YCKM

"YOU CAN'T KILL ME MOTHER FUCKER"

Good To Be Alive

"It's good to be alive"





I don't fix problems I just analyze and try to better understand/interpret them.






I like to experience for a brief moment what I am missing so that I am aware of what I'm missing.

Too Short

Life's Too Short To Sleep.

Reason For Communication

If you were going to ask 

why I haven't been talking, 

I was going to answer

 that I don't want to converse

 just to sustain a friendship

 that I care about. 

I guess that there is

 nothing else to talk about.

Cruel

"My dreams are a cruel joke. 
They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... 
who knows he's about to wake up to reality. 
If I could only avoid sleep. 


But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. 
I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. 


It never works... "

Talking Talking

I cannot help but think we could be talking about anything.

Responsible

"Sometimes the best way to deal with shit, she says, is to not hold yourself as such a precious little prize.

"My point being," Brandy says, "is you can't escape the world, and you're not responsible for how you look, if you look beauticious or butt ugly. You're not responsible for how you feel or what you say or how you act or anything you do. it's all out of your hands," Brandy says. The same way a compact disk isn't responsible for what's recorded on it, that's how we are. You're about as free to act as a programmed computer. You're about as one-of-a-kind as a dollar bill. "There isn't any real you in you," she says. "Even your physical body, all your cells will be replaced within eight years."

"Relax," Brandy says, "whatever you're thinking, a million other folks are thinking. Whatever you do, they're doing, and none of you is responsible. All of you is a cooperative effort."

"You're a product of our language," Brandy says, "and how our laws are and how we believe our God wants us. Every bitty molecule about you has already been thought out by some million people before you," she says. "Anything you can do is boring and old and perfectly okay. You're safe because you're so trapped inside your culture. Anything you can conceive of is fine because you can conceive of it. You can't imagine any way to escape. There's no way you can get out," Brandy says.

"The world," Brandy says, "is your cradle and your trap."

"And if you can find any way out four culture, then that's a trap too. Just wanting to get out of the trap reinforces the trap.""

Damaged Goods

"She forced a smile, said,
"Boy, come kiss my mouth—I'll set you free.
You know that hope you're holding to? It looks an awful lot like fear.
Now, you're so quick to fall on failure, and so quick to raise your voice, like,
'If I can't find a mistake to blame, we didn't have a choice.'
Oh, but you had option.
I was your chance to feel complete,
But when I leaned in close to you, you
Kissed your fear instead of me.
You had my hand in your hand,
You had my lip in your teeth,
You had my heart on your sleeve,
You had a chance to breathe.
But, boy, you wouldn't let your fear recede so I moved on.
And it's too late to change your mind now,
You got scared, boy, and I got gone.
Now you failed, and there's no way to turn back time.
You had your chance, boy, I tried."
"You tried?" I looked her in the eye and smiled,
"My girl, you must understand that fear is not some product that I made.
It crept unwelcome in my head the day they had her torn away.
It changed me.
Now at the end of everyday I lie awake at night and wait
To feel the wires of my brain get cut and quietly rearranged, and
Hear my beaten heart exclaim, 'Still, I refuse to let her go.'"
So we escape to our mistakes for they wait patiently for us.
Oh, how they always wait for me.
If my fear has kept me here only my fear can set me free.
And I'm sorry, dear, but don't you dare say another word.
How could I risk holding your heart in me while still in love with her?
You were wrong.""

Favorite

I just realized my favorite thing about people 90 percent of the time is their laugh.

You Would Never Leave Me

"I wanna follow the footprints across my lover's stomach

I wanna call out her name before I plummet

I wish I had a map of the terrain so I could step around the landmines,

Avoid the beasts under the bed that bring they bad times

I wanna find this here so-called treasure: 

The pleasure, the trinkets, the never-ending weekends

Acknowledging that I'm still just a piece of the sequence

But seeing these different footprints got me needin' to show my weakness

Timelines, the time zones

I cross them with my eyes closed

Memorize the landmarks and learn the cycles

The weather patterns how the seasons affect 

The east and the west of each region learn the cycles

Forget about the fact that

Many trails have been tracked

Maybe it's a plus that there's a path

If this was some uncharted land I'd have to be a smarter man

Willing to travel the farthest to unravel the harvest

The natural resources are unlimited

Exploration only requires some desire and initiative

Take your time and find the right way to climb

It ain't safe to play games with natures mind

And

If I could show you, you would never leave it

And if I could show you, you would never leave it

And if I could show you, you would never leave it

And if I could show you, you would never leave it

If I could show you, you would never leave it

And if I could show you, you would never

I wanna ride a train up my lover's arm

Stop off at the brain to climb out and find out what's going on

Cut through trees and ride through rocks

And synchronize the universal sundial to my watch

I've seen a lot

But not quite as much as her

To top it off the memory and the imagination blur

I know she's been put through hell

I can feel it 

And I know she's touched heaven as well

Trying to steal it

It came on and it taught her its song

Strung her along and it caught her when that guard was gone

Now to the break of dawn she's tryin' to feel that fix

And all the family and friends is trying to seal them lips

I'm not dumb

I can hear that train come from miles away 

I'm setting obstacles to stop the arrival

Gonna blow up the iron and wood road

From what I understood those be the orifice of its survival

My recital

Yet another tantrum

Because she's highly excitable 

Swinging moods at random

No happy endings always off to a bad start

Addictive 

Voyeuristic to the trackmarks...

And if I could show you, you would never leave it, never, nah

And if I could show you, you would never leave it, never

And if I could show you, you, you would never leave it, never"

Now

I'm good.

So Pure

"To let people begin again.

It's beautiful.

You look at a baby,
and it's so pure and so free
and so clean.


And adults are, like,
this mess of sadness...

and... phobias."

Every Minute Is A Minute

"Every minute 

is a minute 

away."

Flight

What May

"COME WHAT MAY"

Inside My Head

"this is the problem that's all inside my head
she said to me "the answer's easy if you take it logically"
i'd like to help you with your struggles to be free
there must be 50 ways to diss your ex-lover
without calling her a bitch"

Melancholy

"Everything you do is a melancholy joke."

Abandon

Come back in a year when my strange abandonment issues have transformed into something more bareable for you.

sleeping thought

i understand 
that you're in this slump
cause you hate him down 
to the bones you'd jump
everybody's monkeys 
are a strain 
but there is just 
too much hope in change

Can't Sleep

If you cannot sleep I will no longer be the aid, in fact I truly hope that I contribute to quite the opposite.

Irony

"You see me and irony, we go way back."

Persist In

"The storm center of all this grading, shoveling, hauling and hammering is the college campus itself. A clean modern factory, brick and glass and big windows, already three-quarters built, is being finished in a hysterical hurry. (The construction noises are such that in some classrooms the professors can hardly be heard.) When the factory is fully operational, it will be able to process twenty thousand graduates. But, in less than ten years, it will have to cope with forty of fifty thousand. So then everything will be torn down again and built up twice as tall.
However, it is arguable that by that time the campus will be cut off from the outside world by its own parking lots, which will then from an impenetrable forest of cars abandoned in despair by the students during the week-long traffic jams of the near future. Even now, the lots are as big as the campus itself and so full that you have to drive around from one to another in search of the last little space. Today George is lucky. There is room for him on the lot nearest his classroom."


"George has been trying to train himself, lately, to recognize his student's cars. (He is continually starting these self-improvement projects: sometimes it's memory training, sometimes a new diet, sometimes just a vow to read some unreadable Hundredth Best Book. He seldom perseveres in any of them for long.)"


"What do they think they're up to, here? Well there is the official answer: preparing themselves for life which means a job and security in which to raise children to prepare themselves for life which means a job and security in which. But, despite all the vocational advisers, the pamphlets pointing out to them what the technical training-pharmacology, let's say, or accountancy, or the varied opportunities offered by the vast field of electronics-there are still, incredibly enough, quite a few of them who persist in writing opens, novels, plays! Goofy from lack of sleep, they scribble in snatched moments between classes, part-time employment and their married lives. Their brains are dizzy with words as they mop out an operating room, sort mail at a post office, fix baby's bottle, fry hamburgers. And somewhere, in the midst of their servitude to the must-be, the mad might-be whispers to them to live, know and experience--what? Marvels!"

Eyes

"Your circles are dark."

What We Want

We noticed only what we want to.
and attempt to make people what we wish they were until we realize they cannot be that, or until they realize that the other person is doing so.

School Parking Lot

A faux smile. A weak step. A new theory. A ticking clock.

The Write

"This is to the woman who I loved but lost. 

intertwined souls of the universe got divorced. 

but it wasn't forced. got single thoughts of being double crossed, 

still there's no love lost. 

now i can't even start this. i see no light inside the darkness. 

so whatcha want, miss? don't check my pulse because i'm heartless. 

you were my life support. and in a sense my defense fights the thought. 

i'll try to keep this one nice and short. 

our four chambers beat in unison. 

I'm wanting you to listen to the dead silence in my defiance. 

i used to sin and be intrigued by violence, 

now as i glimpse into the past i thank God for your guidance. 

alas, i give my eyes a rinse. 

blink and think in retrospect...realize you need to get your respect. 

i apologize as i holler cries 

'cause it's you and not these college guys that keeps my knowledge wise. 

you're my crutch. but now i fall cause you're someone i can't touch. 

now no one wants to help me up and that's too much. 

even my wisdom fell. i'm in a living hell. 

throw my inner child back in the prison cell. 

incarcerated hatred is causing conflict 

with the free love sentencing death to the convict. 

my soul is on skid row, where can this kid go? 

i'm homeless, how could you notice when this whole world didn't know? 

it's time i make public just how personal we got in private moments, 

because lies are our opponents. 

forget material or superficial stuff. 

i either let you know too much or not enough. 

this is to the woman who i loved but lost. 

intertwined souls of the universe got divorced. 

but it wasn't forced. got single thoughts 

of being double crossed, still there's no love lost. There's no love lost. 

I can't pretend this. The impact on my life has been tremendous. 

It can't be fixed with a friendly kiss 

What's endless? 

Questions, pain, grief and misbelief? 

I'm so faithful all I grind is my teeth. 

But what I find beneath the surface has changed from priceless to worthless. 

This three ring circus of clowning around is what hurts us. 

My brain short circuits as my mind starts to wander 

to discover another lover. I'm isolated, living somber. 

She's whispering "come hither from there yonder." 

I don't think i wanna. The pressure ain't gettin' lesser. 

Open my dresser...it overflows with memorabilia. 

Momentos of our success now symbolize my failure. 

I took time to write you diaries when we couldn't speak much. 

According to you that was a weak touch. 

Cause "actions speak louder than words." Turn up your hearing aid. 

You made this man afraid. Put the pin back in the hand grenade. 

There's not much time left til I'm left with nothing but a broken promise. 

While every syllable I said was spoken honest. 

We expected each other to be a physic mind reader. 

Don't tell me "life goes on." I need her... 

Next to me... 

So once again I can feel the high of ecstasy... 

We tripped...walking down the aisle of destiny. 

Respectful sexually, because see...I understood. 

And I don't know too many people who would 

have done anything to get a laugh from their better half. 

I should have sensed it sooner...when you lost your sense of humor. 

Now let my soul speak, I couldn't eat for a whole week. 

With no sleep. The price I pay for being a control freak. 

Now I'm screaming inside my pillow instead of dreaming. 

I must have said "I love you" so much that it lost it's meaning. 

But no one's perfect, so where's my chance to make adjustments? 

It's worth it...if our romance had substance. 

Because with purity we conceived marriage. 

Til insecurity caused a miscarriage 

this is to the woman who i loved but lost. 

intertwined souls of the universe got divorced. 

but it wasn't forced. got single thoughts of being double crossed... 

I was in it for the long run 

Now who's the weak and the strong one? 

I tried to be Mr. Right, though things were wrongly done. 

but ummmm...When it was time for sacrifice 

Straight up, you didn't have to ask me twice. 

I put off this rap device. 

I wasn't ACTING nice, all my feelings they were genuine. 

You got me open and I let you in. 

But now you're screaming bloody murder. Used the entrance as the exit. 

Now you're abscent like my mind, i'm on a head trip. 

You never said shit. Used then misused the entrance 

And never let me get in one sentence. 

Forget friends...you were my best one 

Now I'm depressed, son. It didn't take long for the stress to come. 

Memories be my arch nemesis 

As i sit and reminisce, wondering if you remember this: 

Our genesis. First experiences on old dates. 

Got cold shakes and tingles, never single, we were soulmates. 

That term used to hold weight but now it's temporary 

And lately I've been making trips to the cemetery. 

Ain't nothing evil in death, but this feels devilish. 

I'd never wish this on my worst enemy. 

Remember me."

Waking Up

"Waking up begins with saying am and now. That which has awoken then lies for a while staring up at the ceiling and down into itself until it has recognized I, and therefrom deduced I am, I am now. Here comes next, and is at least negatively reassuring; because here, this morning, is where it has expected to find itself: what’s called at home.

But now isn’t simply now. Now is a cold reminder: one whole day later than yesterday, one year later than last year. Every now is labeled with its date, rendering all past nows obsolete, until — later or sooner — perhaps — no, not perhaps — quite certainly: it will come.

Fear tweaks the vagus nerve. A sickish shrinking from what waits, somewhere out there, dead ahead.

But meanwhile the cortex, that grim disciplinarian, has taken its place at the central controls and has been testing them, one after another: the legs stretch, the lower back is arched, the fingers clench and relax. And now, over the entire intercommunication system, is issued the first general order of the day: UP.

Obediently the body levers itself out of bed — wincing from twinges in the arthritic thumbs and the left knee, mildly nauseated by the pylorous in a state of spasm — and shambles naked into the bathroom, where its bladder is emptied and it is weighed: still a bit over 150 pounds, in spite of all that toiling at the gym! Then to the mirror.

What it sees there isn’t so much a face as the expression of a predicament. Here’s what it has done to itself."

Better

Remember: Nothing feels better than skin, and nothing is better than love.

Social Accommodation

accommodation

n.

1. The act of accommodating or the state of being accommodated; adjustment.
2. Something that meets a need; a convenience.

Some Body

"What would you do if I wasn't here?" 

"I'd have somebody else." 

"Great, i'm glad i'm just a body to you."

Social Construction of Reality

"The use of background assumptions and life experiences to define what is real."

Wishes

Time manipulation. Caring control. Age choice.

Oh Yeah

"OH YEAH I GOT A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION

PARKED IN THE BACK

AND IT'S A VESSLE OF GAS CONSUMPTION"

Left Me For Dead

"She left me for dead


but death didn't want no sloppy seconds"

Selfish

Love is selfish in the best way.

Naked

I hate being naked, it is too much truth. Like when you wished someone had lied to you in response to a question you asked.
Being in under garments, well, that's just white lies, like, "Your hair looks fine today, don't worry about it".
Clothes, clothes are like average daily interactions, hello's and so forth. 
Jackets and layers, thinking you know somebody.

You Did To Me

"I


Hope


That 


He 


Keeps You Up


For 


Weeks




Like 


You




Did To Me."

For So Doing

Dan: You love her like a dog loves its owner.

Larry: And the owner loves the dog for so doing.

Familiar

The way a person would likely choose a familiar song they can sing along to over a preferred, better song that they did not know, the same applies to people.

Come Now

Let me rub my back against the notches on your bedpost

scratch these afterthoughts off my flesh and shed ghosts

My head's close to your closet door 

I've got the glass to my ear

My nose is in your business, I smell something fishy here

I hear bones rattling. Poems battling for space and time

Phones that'll ring when I make judgement calls with pick-up lines

Sexual hang-ups leave me waiting nude and while alone

It just gets aggrivating masturbating to a dial tone

I'm the home to run-away trains of thought

My one track mind is a collision inter-course where victim's cross, 

Bedroom eyes...uncross their legs exposing inner thighs

I disrobe and show my most convincing disguise

I've lived so many lives each death has left my face scarred

Hid so many lies under my breath that I can't face God

Dig into my mind deep enough you'll find a graveyard

I get nervous bodies will resurface every time it rains hard

"Don't cry, girl" Let me outline your short comings

While my world is full of them and they're all in the long runnings

It's all fun and games. It's all done in vane. It's all a fucking shame

I ain't the one but I'm the one to complain?

I'm the one to come home.Compare.Contrast.Come fast

Make love to the present, fuck the past

Make love to the present, fuck the past

Nothing lasts

Don't you dare worry about the morning aftermath

(yeah!)

Don't you love how much you paid for your education? (yeah)

Don't you love your job and spending every day there? (yeah)

Don't you love your girl? You have such a healthy relationship. (yeah)

Don't you love having that break-up sex, that make-up sex? (yeah)

(verse)

Taking an acid bath, pissing on the shower curtain

The gal just laughs and starts dissing my towel turban

I had to ask if she knew how to listen now I'm certain

Now my task is just to get up in her like I was a surgeon!

I'm a virgin who makes exceptions at sunset

My dirty skin gets cleansed by the summer sweat

"Self, have some respect! I don't need you new and clean

But I don't want the procedure routine!"

A screw machine! with a few bolts loose, robot response touch tone

Hair trigger, happy-go-lucky emotion monger wants a love poem

Run home.dip into your closet and jump bones

Your secret admirer's stuck higher up and he's unknown. 

Looking down on you.can you bare the burden?my ears are hurting

I found a few gears are turning

With squeaky wheels they get the grease 'cause its a damn nuisance

Understand the blueprints for our mechanical movements

It never ran smooth since we abused the Earth

Grabbed a hand full of pubics and removed the turf

Refused its worth, we lose our shirts.she assumed the worst

And needed proof of birth? I'm leaving this universe

It seems doomed and cursed.see if you come first then come fast

Come here.Come back.Compare.Contrast

Complain.Constrain.Constantly ask, 

Complicated questions contain scientific answers in your flask

Condone.Condemn.Come home.Come friend

Confuse.Common issues.Condelude.Comprehend

Carma.Chameleon.Come again?

Continue to come in you.Come to daddy.Condescend

Come and bring us (Confidence). Cunnilingus (Compliments)

Come to thank us went from guilty conscienceness to common sense

Calm down.Complete.Compound.Come eat

Our Common ground meat from man-made concrete

Come to the street.Conquer the weak.Come to terms with coming last

Make love to the present, fuck the past

Make love to the present, fuck the past. Nothing lasts

Don't you dare worry about the morning aftermath. (yeah!)

Safety Valve

"You dream an unfulfilled wish... 
a safety valve"

Relationships

"It's going to be like everything else I do with people. I'll be annoying and try to get him to hate me and see how much he will put up with."


"Isn't like story of relationships aside from the intentional part."

Destiny

Lately I have been fighting an extraordinary amount with the concept of all things being chalked up to fate, or the contrary, coincidence. On one hand there really could be some magical power that allows these more than strange happenings to occur, but on the other, odds are some peculiar things are bond to happen in life, to everyone. For example, two nights ago I had an odd dream that I was working at Sopa Thai restaurant, what made the dream abnormal was that half of the restaurant was the gym I sometimes go to, South Yuba. Now I have not worked out in at least a week, but today I decide that it is time to go, and while there I see  a man Martin who not only works at Sopa Thai restaurant but was wearing a T-shirt from there as well. So, this could be a symbol for something larger, or it can mean that Martin goes to the same gym that I go to and out of the countless dreams I have, one or two are bound to resemble my real life one way or another. I did not interact with Martin, and nothing came of the occurrence, on top of that Martin was not even in the dream to begin with. Another example could be that three days ago Scott and I passed each other driving in Grass Valley, the following day we passed each other again, and he made the comment that we should pass each other the next day. Today driving home, a third consecutive day, I saw Scott driving. Each time we were going to and from different places, and they were at different times of day as well. Scott says it is a sign that we should spend time together, but he and I both know that the third drive-by he did not see me this time, that I only saw him, therefore if I did not text his first this time he would have been unaware of it completely. Another example could be how I have been constantly reassessing all of my thoughts and opinions on this matter, and then I go to psychology class today and the topic is whether or not there is a scientific connection happening when these acts of "fate" or "destiny" occur. But it easily could have been that I have been pondering this topic so much due to its relation to the subjects leading to today's discussion. Yet another example could be moments ago when I finished my sandwich I told myself to refrain from eating anything else in my house, although I was not completely full. Nevertheless I took a box of cereal into my bedroom with me to satisfy my unjust lingering hunger, and upon doing so I accidentally bump the box, sending a fair amount of it's crumbly content into and onto my carpet. Maybe this was the repercussions of doing as I was not supposed to, or was a sign to stop what I was doing. Or maybe the box was unopened until I opened it myself today and was very full, and I am a bit shaky and clumsy today and even hit the box in the kitchen which resulted in a bit of cereal on the floor; all simply cause and effect. Or possibly the tiny spill in the kitchen was a sign that I should be more careful, and upon ignoring that sign came the epic pouring of so much Honey Bunches of Oats onto my clean carpet. I cannot decide. I spoke in class, and stated that odds are there will be unexplained correlations because there are so many explained ones. But what if I saw Scott driving tomorrow? How do you know when a situation crosses the line of normality?

Tone

Tone of voice is everything

Absolute Clarity

“A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.”