Close Second

I’ve never been so happy in love
well maybe once
but it was so different
then, than now
I couldn’t say your name aloud

(this is long kisses at the airport
takeout in front of the tv
holding hands falling asleep)

but I don’t know the shape
of the veins in his wrists
there is just nothing about you I missed

now there is nothing about you I do not miss
still

I want to call you on the phone
tell you how short this life is
but it don’t feel that way

this is not a competition

why does it feel like I’m losing