You (Don't) Know

I am happy when I am with you, I want to tell you that I like the version I am of myself when we are alone together, or when we are connected at all. I look at your face, and everything about your appearance and see everything that I adore inside and out. I've always been looking for truth and honesty and someone who could magically manage to be the correct about of everything for me. Though even now it sounds too good to be true, I know that it isn't because our friendship is a carefully crafted work of art that creates happiness for me. I would always do things differently if I could. With you I would show more; give more of what I would like to give to you, not only because I know and understand how badly you want it, but additionally because I know how truly you deserve it. After spending lots of time together, or not seeing you hardly at all, after arguments, and before plans, what is in common for all of these things is that I always want more time with you. When we are talking or when we are together I feel as though it is what friendship is supposed to be and I am not only very aware of that feeling but so grateful of it that I cannot really put it into words. You and I are so extremely different in every aspect that I often am astonished of our unfaltering tolerance of each other, but then I remember how similar we truly are, in personality as well as attributes, likes and dislikes. I like falling asleep with you, I like driving with you, I like knowing that you are paying attention, and the desired amount. I appreciate any small thing between us that makes me feel like this is deep and real and important. I appreciate your honesty, and how you say things when I know it's hard to. I constantly want to relay what a gigantic part of me you are and everything I do. When we are apart I constantly wish that we were not so that we could experience everything that is around us together and discuss it and laugh about it. I find myself pondering a romantic aspect of this, and nine times out of ten I rational that idea with the fact that I really do like you so deeply, and almost carefully. I wish I had the strength and ability to cure and fix all of the faults and unfavorable things about your life for you, and I wish you could just see yourself through my eyes, and come to peace knowing all of my praises are true. The other night you said that even if I did not come with you in life that you would even then still not desert me. I wanted to tell you that it is the last thing that I want and I long to feel the same that you do about my future. I am a thousand percent sure that the place you have in my life and heart could not be filled or replaced by anything or anyone else, ever, and if I am lucky you somewhat feel the same. You have changed enormously through the years of our friendship and I have honestly loved every tiny thing that altered and every big or small thing that remained. Few things bring me joy like the thought of knowing you for who you are and how you feel, and the level of comfortability between us that so few are able to maintain. I only hope that you continue to open up and show me everything you can, and that the laughter and enjoyment between us never lessens, and looking back, odds are I will grow happier with time. If there was some way that I could somehow apologize the right way for the selfishness that consumed me from time to time year to year and have that repair the bad feelings and frustration I would try my hardest. But nevertheless I will try my hardest, every single day, to be that person you say you want; there for you always, there for you for anything. Because I would in fact do anything you needed, and the millions of times and memories we have shared mean more to me than you will ever know. I love you no matter what and do not tell you enough. I meant it when I said that this is the relationship I rely on and the relationship I want to put my time and energy towards, because I not only get so much in return but thinking of you being happy having me is even better than that. You are an incredible, talented, handsome and hilarious person, always, and I saw from day one that you were what I wanted, and nearly five years later you are that more than ever. Thank you for so much, but most of all time, and I want so much more of that with you.

<3

"My parachute didn't open
And when my back up failed
The pixie dust prevailed
And I woke up next to you
All I wanted was to hold you

I was born in a city
However small
It held a hospital
For location where I came into being
It was all downhill from there

What do you do
When your life's a disaster
And you're moving faster
And it's getting harder to breathe

What do you say
To someone whose right but
You disagree
Even if it's the truth

I was told you are depressed
By a little bird
That was severly hurt
As it did not notice my window
It just flew wherever the wind blows
As it convulsed on the pavement
It whispered I am hated
Your genetic flaws
I said say it all
You can't decipher reflections from reality

But neither can I"