Sit Here

I sit here all day and all night and watch my phone just waiting for it to go off. 
Ignoring every single call.

Intimate

I treat everyone as if they were someone I had interest in.

Late Text Message

just had weird epiphany like I thought of you. so I'm watching Moon and I forget if you've seen it but there's this one part where he finds like a different version of himself in space. and neither of them know which is a clone and like which is an original and so he like isn't sure what to say to the guy and he's like trying to find words and is like so how are you doing..? and the other sam says "how am I doing?" in this mocking tone like not offended but like scoffing like it's soo below the level of where the two people stand but there's too much to say at once so not enough and he's just like sad sortof cause the second sam said that so his feelings are hurt and they say nothing because he never answers him about it. also, later the second sam says to the first, "where do you get off, sitting there sulking like a little boy! wake up!" just too far in and too complex to possible
resolve or fix anything.

Block

Please don't write me off. I've been struggling daily just to get us on the same page. Word has it you have no time for me, all booked.

Dog Days

I awake to a sore face, and the neighbor's dogs barking violently and furious. I have not heard them bark like that before, and it made me uncomfortable. The barking echoed through the streets and felt close and threatening. I try to block it out, but can't. Then I hear wailing; a human plead. It's desperate and frightened, and between sobs I finally make out the word "dad". Over and over. And if I could move I would peer out the window to make sure this young boy is not in danger, because it sure sounded as if he was. I waited for the word "help" but only heard "dad". Screaming and crying, louder and louder and I'm trying to wake up. I'm trying to fall back asleep. I hear then the father's voice, with a negative connotation that was likely just my own, but he asks in a strong manner that was nearly as loud as the barking that had seemed to cease, if the dog had bitten the young boy. The boy is crying and crying and replies "yes", and it's drawn out even longer and more said than "dad". I hear the choking of the scared boy, and imagine the father trying to find is son. I turn on some music. 
I need to start this day.

Talk n Talk

yeah, i completely agree. like i am one of those people who truly will answer every question 
cause like if the person has the guts or interest to ask they deserve that in every way, the honest answer.

Two Cents About Living Quarters

I worried all day that I am the sort of roommate who is depressing and sad to live with. I may be a clean and good person to live in those aspects, but my personality and behavior, especially in regards to interacting with others is something that is probably negative and discouraging at best to deal with. I was concerned all day and it just brought me down I guess, so much so that I stayed away from my house and the people here and when I got home I was so sad and dreary about it that I locked myself in my room in the dark like I always do, just to mope because the thought of chatting in the kitchen was such a god awful concept. 

Smiles

"FOR ALL THE SMILES THAT WILL FOREVER HAUNT ME."

Brief Moments

I wouldn't go as far as saying hopeful, but the passed however-many-months have had moments of happiness. I would be quick to admit that, despite their endings; bitter, one-sided or nonexistent. With my eyes shut I remember him kissing me repeatedly, and then a lot more. She said the last thing I should worry about is being annoying, and I remembered that. Him and I spent days perfectly together that I'd never forget. What happened?

"I know you witnessed my decline
you used to push back the darkness like a flood light"

Role

Role reversal 

I completely switched lines

You were a different you

but I knew what to say this time

Garbage

and they beg go to school, and get a job
i say i do so and i got one
been too long since i've seen the sun
i'm too tired from here, can't even run


anything but sedative is too hard
fucked it up from the start
now it's a struggle to even look when the phone rings
taunted, by the same things
over and over
and over and over and over and over

Belief Perseverance

Clinging to belief when faced with contrary evidence.

"Once we have decided that we believe something, we will tend to keep on believing it, even in the face of disconfirming evidence.
It is also difficult to remove a belief which has been woven into a wider web of belief, without disturbing those other beliefs."

Negative Empathy

Opposite of empathy. 
Loathing every little aspect.

Gave It Back

"Well once I gave a look to you but you never gave it back

So here I stand expressionless but my memory's intact

I guess the past is good for a laugh"

Birth Day

"it's just another day that doesn't matter. i don't know why i'd expect this day to be any different."

Percipient

"per·cip·i·ent  (pr-sp-nt)

adj.

Having the power of perceiving, especially perceiving keenly and readily.

n.

One that perceives.

percipient [pəˈsɪpɪənt]

adj

1. able to perceive

2. perceptive

n

a person or thing that perceives"

Single Day

"AND EVERY SINGLE DAY I FEEL IT FADE AWAY.."

Cut Lip

I awake to a bloody lip, was fighting all night to sleep, 
lost the battle, living be my defeat.

Owe Me

at least have the decency to tell me it's over. that you grew out of my love. and you are abandoning me. 

Existentialism

"n.
A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts."

Swallows

"He swallowed the combination,
 and then forgot it."

Just Realized

The Things I Take The Most Caution With And Care For Get Fucked The Most...

Fully

Because he/she would be leaving soon, I was able to love them fully.

Indifferent When She Returns

"They cry when she leaves, but are indifferent when she returns."

Theory of Mind

"Theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states—beliefs, intents, desires, pretending, knowledge, etc.—to oneself and others and to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from one's own."

Life Is A Continuum

 "Triggering 


             a 




                           cascade 

    of 

                                                                  memories."

Dream Animals

I had this dream. I was looking out large windows at what was suppsed to be my house. The graves were shining white with reflected light but it was very dark elsewhere and clearly late evening. There was a cat in the house and possibly another human-like animal. I remember feelings uneasy, fear, as well as frustration. The fear was in regards to not knowing what was going on and I gradually began to verbalize my discontentment. There are dozens of (different) animals now in the cemerty and I'm shouting at this gray fluffy cat, begging to know what was happening and I recall holding something but I am not sure what.

No Use

"And Thus, in time, we lose those parts that are no longer required. 

Like, the appendix, 

the male nipple,

and finally, thank Christ, our belief in an utterly redundant Almighty."

1,000

I've been thinking incessantly about the concept, feeling and receiving of love; the real notion that one cares about another by whichever means. My dad spent three days and many hours getting my car out of that trench, he dug in the mud for me, dropped his plans, got a man to drive him there and tow it out. I didn't feel not an ounce of love from those actions, not until he said I should put a jacket on because it was below forty and I would freeze. Why must it be verbal? I'll take anything as rejection; he didn't respond to my gratitude, and seemed snappy when he said I had a lot left to do with my car. He knelt in the darkness attempting to perfect my bumper and I thought this meant he must resent me for being such an awful driver. On the opposing, I thought about her all weekend desiring to and anticipating seeing her on monday her day off. I wrote about her in my first class, and reflected about her for much of my third. I looked at pictures of her, I got jealous. I talked about her on three separate occasions and voiced to austin how badly I wanted her to come to lunch with us. I worried about what she thought about what I was doing sunday who I was talking to. I wondered if she cared at all. I drove past her house. I felt disappointed I did not hear from her once. I realized I never once called, she was altogether unaware.

Or

"Love me or leave me a loner."