The Searching

the searching

I couldn't quite tell
what it was
I looked everywhere for it
was it the feeling
or an action to fill the void of the sensation

all the talks and beds and errands and tasks and plans and decisions and mistakes
the conversations meaningless
the laughs forced
the music, pop music
the sex was fine, the fun was pretty good, the people were nice and mostly meant well

can you imagine just feeling it again
just thinking about it, for a moment, fills my whole body with butterflies
fills my eyes with soppy tears
fills my heart with an earth shattering sadness that can't ever mend