End Of Times

It’s been a long and lonely trip but I’m glad that I took it because it was well worth it/
I got to read a couple books and do some research before I reached my verdict/
Never thought that I was perfect/
Always thought that I had a purpose/
Used to wonder if I’d live to see my first kiss/ 
The most difficult thing I ever did was recite my own words at a service realizing the person I was addressing probably wasn’t looking down from heaven/
Or cooking up something in hell’s kitchen, trying to listen in or eaves drop from some another dimension/
It was self serving just like this is/ 
Conveniently religious on Easter Sunday and on Christmas/
The television went from being a babysitter to a mistress/
Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance, ’til we just stayed distant and never touched/
Now all we do is text too much/ I don’t remember much from my youth/
Maybe my memory is repressed/
Or I just spent too much time wondering if I’d live to have sex/
Fell in love for the first time in 4th grade but I didn’t have the courage to talk to her/
In 8th grade I wrote her the note but I slipped it in someone else’s locker/ Considered killing myself ’cause of that/
It was a big deal/
It was a blown cover/
It was over for me/
My goose was cooked/
Stick a fork it me/
The jig is up/
I blew my chances, the rest is history, our future was torn asunder/
It became abundantly clear that I was only brought here to suffer/ 
At least I didn’t include my name/
Thankfully I wrote the whole note in code and it had 10 layers of scotch tape safety seal making it impossible to open/
Plus, it was set to self destruct/
Whoever read it probably died…laughing/
I wonder if they lived long enough to realize what happened/ 
A year later, I came to understand that wasn’t love that I was feeling for her/
I had someone else to obsess over/
I was older/
I was very mature/
I forged my time signature while practicing my parents autograph ’cause I was failing math/
Disconnected the phone when I thought the teacher would call my home/ 
I checked the mailbox twice a day at the end of a long dirt road/
Steamed open a couple envelopes like I was in private detective mode/
If you snoop around long enough for something in particular you’re guaranteed to find it/
For better or worse that’s how I learned that it’s best to just keep some things private/
It was the best of times/
It was the end of times/ It was the best of times/
It was the end of times/
I was always on deck, I was next in line/
An only child with a pen and pad writing a list of things that I could never have/
The walls in my house were paper thin/
Every squabble seemed to get deafening/
If my memory serves me correctly I made it a point to void and forget some things/
Probably to keep from being embarrassed/
Never meant to upset or give grief to my parents/
Kept my secrets…hid my talents…in my head, never under the mattress/ 
Therapy couldn’t break me/
Never learned a word that would insure safety/
So I spoke softly and I tip toed often/
The door to my room was like a big old coffin/
The way that it creeked when I closed it shut/
Anxieties peaked when it opened up/
As if everything that I was thinking would be exposed/
I still sleep fully clothed/
It was the best of times/
It was the end of times/ It was beautiful/
It was brutal/
It was cruel/
It was business as usual/
Heaven/
It was hell/
Used to wonder if I’d live to see 12/ When I did I figured that I was immortal/
Loved to dance but couldn’t make it to the formal/
Couldn’t bear watching my imaginary girlfriend bust a move with any other dudes/ 
Tone Loc was talking bout a “Wild Thang” but I was still caught up in some child thangs/
Scared of a God who couldn’t spare the rod/
It was clearly a brimstone and fire thang/ Pyromaniac/
Kleptomaniac/
Couldn’t explain my desire to steal that fire/
Now I add it to my rider/
Like “Please oh please don’t throw me in that patch of brier!” It was the best of times/
It was the end of times/ The school counselor was clueless ’cause I never skipped classes/
Perfect attendance/
Imperfect accent/
Speech impediment they could never really fix and I faked bad eyesight so I could wear glasses/ 
Considered doing something that would cripple me/
I wanted a wheelchair/
I wanted the sympathy/
I wanted straight teeth so then came braces/
4 years of head gear helped me change faces/
It was the best of times/
It was the end of times/ Now I wonder if I’ll live to see marriage/
Wonder if I’ll live long enough to have kids/
Wonder if I’ll live to see my kids have kids/
If I do I’m gonna tell ‘em how it is/ Don’t listen when they tell you that these are your best years/
Don’t let anybody protect your ears/
It’s best that you hear what they don’t want you to hear/
It’s better to have pressure from peers than not have peers/
Beer won’t give you chest hair/
Spicy food won’t make it curl/
When you think you’ve got it all figured out and then your universe collapses…trust me, kid…it’s not the end of the world/