Blurred Lines

she said, "we spend like all the time together and never get bored"
this initially made me jealous of something good
and then i realized that they were good, and simple
and i was not simple
nor would i be, or ever be attracted to simple
i never could really tell people that we didn't have sex
i did not want them or myself to have to face that i may have sexual issues
lately it feels like i have enough of those
to be honest i guess it worried me
that as i straddled him, in my bra, legged wrapped around his body, his tongue in my mouth
that i knew neither of us wanted to sleep together
and that i liked that

it is irrelevant that the last two dates i've been on the boys told me that they would like me to paint their nails
it is not irrelevant that the last two nights (with those same two people) that as i could feel the grip loosening on my upper-hand i drove away

if i had a dollar for every time that someone told me to "move back home"
i could finally quit my job
and hang out there for the rest of my life
if i hated myself enough
to give me what i wanted

i gave a homeless man a dollar today
it didn't really feel nice, because i was very aware that i could have given him a five
but his sign said "anything helps"
and chasing cars was playing and i was a wreck cause i needed you
you sent that song to me, when we felt love was not enough
and you're probably with your boyfriend
and you're probably living your life
and you're probably thinking of me
and all of these things still hurt us
and it's okay

right now he's wearing a floral shirt
and i'm scared i can feel you in my head
i love that i can feel him in my head
fear and love must be my strongest emotions
there is such a fine line
it's blurred near indiscernible
and here i am