Bed Recording.m4a

Bed Recording.m4a

The dishes lay

Scattered and dirty in the sink for endless days

She said the tension that he felt

Between he and I

Was only due to my depression

That I had been feeling, of late

She called me from her cellphone around 9pm

And told me that she appreciated the fact that she felt safe enough to walk home from her car to her apartment

I wanted to tell her that she could call me any time that she was doing that alone

But I didn't

His rustling in the other room reminded me that I was only just a human 

in mine

She started the conversation by saying 

Everyone's feeling a certain something right now

And it's strong, it's emotional

And it made her want to tell me that she didn't know what I was feeling at all

But she was there for me if I was feeling anything 

When I returned the words of kindness she said

She was fine

Her vagueness intrigued me in a way that was upsetting 

My first instinct was to tell her to just come to my bedroom

But that's what I wanted, it wasn't what she wanted

So I didn't...I neglected to offer

The myriad of pills influxes.. It varies 

Depending on my mood

It hurts to move my body in a way that I know it shouldn't

I still cry for you and

you forgot that I'm still here

I suppose I just wanted to go home

To where I was accepted, thoroughly 

As opposed to here, where I am not anything

Sometimes her voice gets so cold that it makes me sick

Turns my stomach

She said that she would talk to me tomorrow

Which I heard as I could not text her tonight, so I did not

I'm having difficulty breathing 

And although I know it's the common cold 

The struggle for air intake makes me increasingly aware that it is in fact my job that is killing me

I am so young

Yet it never got easier to sleep alone