My Day

i remember either you or your room having an incomplete feeling
i remember looking down at my contorted naked body from my face and feeling large
the sweat from your face and back dripped like a running faucet
onto mine
you did not wipe it away, so i did not either, even though my wrists were no longer tied
we awoke right before five in the morning
there was too faint of light to show through your makeshift curtain
you said I pushed you off of the bed all night

asked if I felt like that's where you deserved to be

you told me to recollect my happiness moment from my childhood

you told me you were sleeping with other people

i said that's okay and that i would tell you if i did the same

you responded that i did not have to (that i would not be)

i asked at six o'clock if you would drive me home

you said you would at six thirty

i asked you if you've ever attempted at the give and take of control, or power

you said you tried once and it didn't really work 

i'm nauseated so i eat a bite of yogurt

then lie in bed for what feels like very long

until it is 8:30am, the latest that i able to arrive to work

so i leave my bed and sit on my floor

i park in the lot the exact same time as lance, he does not walk in with me

everyone at work seems in an okay mood

and we all eat the chocolate filled croissants that i brought

i mention to ricky in passing that they hired someone to replace me and she starts tomorrow

we roll our eyes together

and then i have to hear his repetitive and suggestive advice for the next 30~45 minutes

"think about it. think about it. think about it. i serious"

i finally said i have been, i have previously thought about my life
in my less-broken english

before my middle-aged bankrupt coworker efforts me to 

i say i do not wish to wait any longer

"that's what life"

scott says goodbye to each of us

turns around right before he exits

"it's not too late to stay"

quiet and sincere

as i turn my head towards him i laugh

"i'm serious"

"i know"

i get a mood-changing manicure 
and pick up quinoa burritos at trader joe's

i get home and connor is sick, worse than allergies

there is nothing i can do 
and i get into a bath
partially filled, due to the water running cold
small hairs and small bugs accompanied me in the tub
leaving me feeling dirtier than before
the soap left a film on my arms
and i crawled into bed wearing two towels

i leave once to feed seymour the stray
and again to take sleeping pills
i watch three shows and do the dishes
lizz sends a picture from austin's and i am frustrated seeming
connor asks how to get food delivered and jillian calls because she is in a bad place
she tells me i am a rational thinker
i fall asleep and dream that i have a dog and a cat
i am living in the morgan ranch how i grew up in as a teenager
no one helps me with my duties but i seem to manage anyway