Reading II

when my prescription bottle rattles my cat thinks that it is dry food and comes up to me
I try to put meaning to that but there is none
my cat plays with an identical plush version of himself
i am an identical plush version of myself

I haven't written anything in months, not anything
my roommate told her boyfriend that she is polygamous and got broken up with so is now dating her ex boyfriend
I liked her previous boyfriend better but understood why he did what he did

I wish that I could lay in bed and fast forward time (years)
when things are back to normal I won't care what I missed (aside from movies)
and will commence my life how I wish to now

I worry often that my cat thinks his name is Come Here
my boss told me that I like everything that I like ironically
and I realized I like that about myself ironically

my cat prefers to be occupied than touched
same
my cat only sleeps when others do
same
my cat eats a lot to get it over with quickly
same

I want to be invited to everything but have no one really mind whether it not I show
I want people to want me to accompany them so badly that they come to my door to get me
I want to be left alone for so long that I can later describe the time as introspective and transformative

finding myself only clothes shopping for you I was overcome with a strange, foreign feeling that I could be reminded of someone new, and not just that, but I wanted to get you things, with the little money I don't have, and I did, and it was worth it
it's 11pm and you will arrive in three and a half hours

I live with two insufferable 21yos, and a feral cat
living with myself remains to be the worst part

I wanna be in your bedroom

all blankets and drapes and candles and trees

the soft light would clean us

but we are pure already

because we are with each other

this is quieter than silence

this is how the world was meant to be

the soft light would clean us

but we are already pure

because I am with you

I wanna be in your bed 

when you were a kid

you climbed the lion gate at the zoo, they found you swinging your legs over the edge

when you were a kid

you thought boys should be able to adjust themselves any time any place

when you were a kid

you made your mom bring you cake while you played video games

when I was a kid

I was too scared to swim in the lake at summer camp

when I was a kid

I got sick at the sight of blood and had to be sent home from school

when I was a kid

I hid under my mom's dresses when she ran into people she knew at the store

I saw you and I knew

I refrained from holding your hand that very first night

it's been a tough time for us all

the lucky, the unlucky, the privileged, the desperate

we found each other lost, and poor, and tired

we smiled and laughed and talked and slept and drove and lived

I found out that everyone is just trying to make sure their friends know they love them

that we are all just trying to keep this job

that we are all trying to eat vegetables and go on walks

we are all trying to finish that book, and pick up our clothes

get home without harassment and sleep eight hours a night

we are all just trying to get through that yellow light safely