Reading

when my prescription bottle rattles my cat thinks that it is dry food and comes up to me
I try to put meaning to that but there is none
my cat plays with an identical plush version of himself
i am an identical plush version of myself

I haven't written anything in months, not anything
my roommate told her boyfriend that she is polygamous and got broken up with so is now dating her ex boyfriend
I liked her previous boyfriend better but understood why he did what he did

I wish that I could lay in bed and fast forward time (years)
when things are back to normal I won't care what I missed (aside from movies)
and will commence my life how I wish to now

I worry often that my cat thinks his name is Come Here
my boss told me that I like everything that I like ironically
and I realized I like that about myself ironically

my cat prefers to be occupied than touched
same
my cat only sleeps when others do
same
my cat eats a lot to get it over with quickly
same

I want to be invited to everything but have no one really mind whether it not I show
I want people to want me to accompany them so badly that they come to my door to get me
I want to be left alone for so long that I can later describe the time as introspective and transformative

finding myself only clothes shopping for you I was overcome with a strange, foreign feeling that I could be reminded of someone new, and not just that, but I wanted to get you things, with the little money I don't have, and I did, and it was worth it
it's 11pm and you will arrive in three and a half hours

I live with two insufferable 21yos, a feral cat, and an autistic narcissist
living with myself remains to be the worst part




we dance to my beat of a dead horse

disparages

marriages

noncommittal with an aversion

to such a perversion 

non-persuasive

invasive

I want space if

we can still be as close as two humans can possibly be

I want to love you so incredibly deeply

but only barely more than you love me



I wanna be in your bedroom

all blankets and drapes and candles and trees

the soft light would clean us

but we are pure already

because we are with each other

this is quieter than silence

this is how the world was meant to be

the soft light would clean us

but we are already pure

because I am with you

I wanna be in your bed




once i see that my 25oz mineral water contains salt, it tastes like ocean water and i am ill
i spent an hour on your website last night and almost filled out the form section, to tell you i am still in love with you
also to tell you that i know you are still in love with me, too, because you screenshot my snapchat
i stayed up late talking to a peripheral friend on tumblr, recommending him netflix movies while he is on vicodin
he said he started the one that i told him was my favorite, then sent another message saying it "made you feel lonely"
i wanted to correct him, and say made HIM feel lonely, but did not respond
all the flowers at work are dying and i put my coffee that i drank from back in the pot
i hope my coworkers do not drink from it, but don't really care if they do

i got my nails done for twelve dollars this weekend
as cliche as it may sound, glitter reminds me that life can be okay
and i can be happy again
he lays on my floor, and i ask him what we are going to do
we both decide to sleep instead
in four days i might see you and the sound of your voice will feel like
the sun on my face after a very long rain