All Things Considered And Consistent

i keep consistently hitting rock bottom, just waiting to get up, it's been years with less product and progress than reflection and reduct, it's a crass realization, that there is nowhere you belong and nothing you can do, and i wish you found me serious when opened up enough and told you. well will i always be, so wildly, disappointed with how it all was meant to play out? the answer is yes, i guess, until i learn to live without the things i was meant to live without.
the problem is the constant in the equations, even with the variables so much alike, there's a problem to be solved with increasing complexity, oh how its darkness weighs heavy this time of night.
washed up, worn out, tired and all used up, not one trick left up my sleeve, and if i have such a permanence incrusted on this same feeling, why is it i stay here with such an incapability to be happy?
and like a sponge, i will choose to soak up anything, in the worst way, even if it be this cold winter rain, why press forward in a story with its ending told, all of this eternally being so the same? i feel that intrepidly, in my heart of hearts, and especially these days, coincidentally it is in fact, itself the certain bane.