Only A Moment After

"I paint it the shade of where the skin and the lip meet
only a moment after breaking the kiss"


"I’ve always struggled at the root of the problem.
Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense?

I’ve never spent a lot on finding a remedy.
I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason.
I guess that’s why I’ve always turned to writing it down.
Not just in stories, but the letters in between.
And I guess that’s why it haunts the pages of everything-
to self-examine.

Self-defeating? Yeah, probably.
But I don’t know that I had total control over it.
And I’m not sure it even matters why.

Sometimes things happen and you can’t do anything.
Plus, I’m the only one who deals with it anyway.

Sorry. I know I seem angry.
I’m not, I promise. I just know I did this to me.
And I will deal with it accordingly.

Yeah, I know, I should be finding another way.
I know that I should be out seeking a substitute.
But just forgetting never really made sense to me.

So I haven’t been."