Time Is On Your Side

I was not born with patience, I was not born comfortable. I have no sense of what you want, I work hard at that every single hour. I haven't gotten some ingrained strength, resistance, willpower. It hurts to spell it out, so I do not say how easy, how simply I could indulge, run rampant. I could be as bad as you, I could be worse, I hate myself too. I have the potential to poison, I have the desire to damage, then destroy. I could live like you do, and you'd like that, wouldn't you?

It's a short leash, it's a long night, it's a dull anger, it's a sharp fight. I was told the other day the first cut is the deepest, I was told the other year that it is a long life. I'm lucky to commit to anything, I'm blessed to crawl out of bed, I'm happy to be here, every second. I drive slow, pull cautiously into space, only when there is plenty of room, and an abundance of doubts, mapping my exit, eagerly awaiting to back out. I am thinking now how I only felt it worth living for you, and the months of realizing I must need to do this for myself instead, the lifetime of struggle to step out of my head.


   "The good news is it really doesn't matter"