Apprehension

I feel fine not seeing you and having no plans to at all any time soon, I am accustomed to missing you now and it feels normal, and safe.
I don't wish to make everything about me, but I do not wish to make everything about you either, so I do not make anything, and continue living (for once).
You leave me a message, at exactly five o'clock, exactly one minute long.
I couldn't listen to the whole thing, I did not even want to, you were crying and choking, and it immediately brought back that feeling in my chest (that hadn't been gone long). I left you a message.
When we finally spoke your voice was louder and strong, and it intimidated me at first. You say as soon as you could how you have been missing me, you said you talked about me constantly, I told you that I had been missing you, too, not more (though more).
I wasn't nervous for how you would interpret my explanation, so much as I was nervous that I would word it incorrectly. When I told you that I felt like we could never fight, you said it would be cute if we ever did. You said you were sorry in every sense of the word. You said it wasn't long ago that the world was actually ours, and it was only us. I wanted so badly to tell you that it could be that way again, if we were both wanting it to be, but I wasn't sure what you wanted.
You tell me that you had just spoken with a friend. The word hurt my feelings terribly (I would never ask who). It seemed as if in the time that I missed your call, and you answered, that you had so many replacements accessible, I know very well you did not mean for it to appear that way.
You explain (about the friend) that you wanted to hear a bright and bubbly voice, my feelings felt hurt even moreso then.
When your message said that you felt as though you lost everyone, it gave me mixed feelings, even with knowing that I was not included in everyone.