Him

I love him so much. Sometimes it feels like I am only who I want to be, when I am with him. Always it feels like I adore and hold close everything he has to say, every thought is so thought out, every feeling so realized and developed. He, possibly by accident, told me tonight that he wished for all of his close friends to be in love with him, and he them. He used the word flirtation. I only knew where he was coming from because I agree. He told me tonight that I am the only one in his life the way it should be, he said that it wasn't enough. I've made so many errors based on my self esteem. I sat with my body not exactly facing his as he cried, I looked at his terrarium. I believed that I might cry also, I wondered then if it would be pathetic for someone else's sadness to make you more sad than your own. I love him so much, and watch his smile as it lifts from the right side of his face. I can't help but think of yours. And when we eventually left his house, the heater in his car smelled like your's used to.

I told him that I had fucked up dreams, what I meant was that I had a dream that you got a haircut, and told me that you were sorting out the things in your past that were weighing you down, and you were not referring to me.