Adjustment

I can't go to work, I have too much to mull over in my head. There are too many thoughts that I would enjoy immensely to think about without any hesitation nor distraction. Whether they be thoughts of love, or merit, they deserve to be thought out; worth more an hour than minimum wage before or after taxes. So here I am, creating a nearly linear image in my head of our path together, and apart, and how they swerve back into each other from time to time. I wish I could decipher significance from not so, but I can't, but I will still try. Our lives have collided, spontaneous and unwillingly, in the recent past; the last few years. I sat in that movie theater alone today and looked at the face on the screen thinking, "Three years? You haven't let yourself fall for anyone else for that long? Still thinking about such a brief fleeting romance that wasn't even meant to be." Too relatable, that was the cause for the frustration, and I was as embarrassed of the realization as the foolish comparison itself. "Disgusting," I thought, "how over and over again people find the one, or the one that got away, or your best match ever who just for whatever reason couldn't see it how you did." It cannot be the one if you have dozens, I thought. The two things that all of these important people have in common is that they are the most magical spectacular person you have ever met, and make you feel better than anyone else ever will or could, and two, the inevitable, impromptu, abandonment. 


Romantic, I know, especially if you convince yourself they left due to the fact that they were either not emotionally prepared for something so special and raw and real, or frankly, that they knew deep down in their heart and soul that you were worth so much more than they could ever give. But as I heard recently in a movie, people usually go when the sex does. Truth be told, I know now that a) magic only lingers mentally, and b) more than a majority of relationships, longevity, or trial and error, are built and based off of absolutely nothing. To distract, take up time, or maybe give you a warmer, fuzzier feeling than dinner by yourself in your dark car again, or waking up chilly, and alone.