Will Power

"i was addicted to it, and i can't be addicted to anything. it completely ruins the point of my being.", i announced to the diner, him chuckling the whole way through. 
"you're addicted to coffee", he rebuttals. to which i calmly respond, "i'm not addicted though, i can stop any time i want. i tell myself i won't drink coffee for the next three days and then i don't." this was an obvious and haphazard excuse to get him off my back. it wasn't as if every confrontation i have ever initiated to a smoker hasn't ended with "i am in control, thus not addicted". it was all so cliche. and perhaps that was why i have never bothered to tell anyone pressing me for answers that it "runs in my family" and is "dangerous for someone like me with an addictive personality". i remember hearing once that if the addiction is there, you are never not addicted, but rather releasing it by different means. it makes me think of every person i've found myself too enthralled in. 
but really it makes me think of this one companion of sorts, many moons ago, back when i can now call myself young, but at the time wouldn't believe a word of it. giving up an addiction, something you crave and desire with every ounce of yourself, for many people is the most romantic thing you can do. it's so beyond a compliment, but actually a token of devotion. exchanging said addiction for the approval and love of another someone proves more than anything else could ever do, more than satisfying. i asked this person to stop drinking (for me), and he said i make him drink less, but he is still not addicted, it's just something he enjoys doing. of course all i could hear at the time was that it was something he enjoyed doing more than myself. but the forfiet of something you want so bad, so badly you hardly have control over that yearning, somehow says more than any words could. and everyone wants something said to them without the use of any words, no matter what.
which is why in that white and red diner, in front of the blonde employees and several patrons he says, "well every time you drink coffee i will smoke a cigarette", stating everything he was trying to prove. i reply tauntingly, "you better not say that because i will never drink coffee again", revealing everything i was ever trying to prove. i've got more will power than will, and everyone i love has more power over me than they could ever know.