All For Me

"My eyes go to tearing up but really they're just irritated.

And not because my emotions can't handle all the situations my body puts them in.
Faded memories which just last week I vowed to never forget haunt me.
Daunting floating near my head whispering how much I'll regret not remembering.
The open doors that I've lead myself to believe that I open
slam shut in my face and I walk away red eyed and cry hoping.
I know it's the "I" that keeps me here.
The lust of the eyes and the pride of looking at life through a mirror.
And not acknowledging fear as a real emotion to be accepted.
I minimize I ostracize and I try and do it all for me.
I point to the sky with one finger all the while consciously
knowing that I have three fingers pointing right back at me.
Behind these doors I know I'll get all the recognition I need to feed my chubby ego and mind.
But it's the lies I'm blind to, and I find myself always rubbing my eyes.


Towards the end I can see it now and I smile sheepishly but knowing I'm exhausted.
I sit near the entrance warning the weak and curious.
Displaying my scars and downplaying my accomplishments.
This type of canter no longer hurts my feelings for I've been behind all the doors I care to open.
I've been promised it all and given gold plated sand.
I sit with knives in my back looking at the smiles of those who hold them.
Sometimes I beat myselfs brain for ever listening to what's behind the door.
I was so interested, couldn't be stopped and it just wouldn't be ignored.
But now I pay expenses my poor frame can never afford, in this lifetime or another.
I guess the joke and the blames on me as I scowl wishing I had real friends.

It's my own fault though."