shout outs

mom; thank you for not giving up completely. whether i ignore your effort or get back to you, i still appreciate. i know i will not likely forgive you my entire life for how you have treated and moreover neglected myself and (more importantly) your son. you've taught me a lot, more than i probably even wanted to learn, but i reflect often on the traits i have from you that i do in fact like, so thank you for that as well.
dad; i can relate and empathize with most everything you do and say. i won't spend much time on you, or thinking about you, and you can see that as returning the favor. it would have been nice to have a father beyond the years prior to the ability of memory.
dylan; there are not enough words for the gratitude i have for you as a brother, a person, and who you are to me and for me. if i regret anything it is not giving you the love, attention, assistance and encouragement you needed and deserved. i will do my best to be all that i can to and for you, and having an almost other half who gets this all is more than i could ever ask for. let us stay close forever, and i know it's not my fault but i am sincerely sorry for mom and dad, i'm sorry for the world around you that is out of your control. more than anything i hope you will some day be in control of that world.
victoria; there is far too much to say. but just know the importance and actual vitality of having a life line, a rock of permanence and friendship that began in the third grade and has yet to cease. our constant state of common grounds and uncanny similarities and understanding is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. thank you for listening, always, putting up with me, always, being there in every way, always always. you know and get me more than definitely anyone ever has, and maybe even ever will. 
bethany; i'd prefer to give you a look in this moment. you stole my heart in such a way that it is totally incomparable and inexplainable, unshakeable and unconditionally unfaltering. you have taught me more than you could ever comprehend or believe, yet instilled my life with such a sadness and lack of self worth (that i often reflect on the subsequent equality of true misery and honest happiness). i think about you perpetually. you are insanely beautiful inside and out and perhaps this friendship will not function whatsoever between us until you know this. really know this. i thought once that i had the potential. 
austin; you are my baby. you are my precious prize and my unique snowflake. i am happy when i'm with you and so proud and content with the life we have created together. you are wonderful, adorable, hilarious and spectacular, also a total pain in the ass and utterly intolerable. just know i love our bickering, differences, everything. i am so blessed to have found you. you are my best friend and every single day i have been honored to be yours.
jillian; i just remember this one time we were driving together by paco's tacos and we were discussing our friendship and it's almost effectiveness. our compatibility and understanding. most people will go their whole life not experiencing a person with such a similar, yet fresh outlook on life and its situations. you have helped me tremendously through these last years. it is the best just laughing with you, sharing, everything, working out things, coming to huge realizations, small comments, reading each other's thoughts. i need you always and don't forget that. we have much maturing and developing to do; together.
addison; you were the pipe dream; my day dream. you were this ideal, intangible and mysterious character of fascination. i was beyond enamored and would have bet on my life that i would never get the chance to get to know you any better. i hope i never forget the feeling i had the first time you held my hand. your kiss was unlike anyone before, and our conversations made it all too perfect and real. i adore you. i contempt waiting, but i am. you may never understand, but i want exactly you. every day.
nick; it's difficult to pinpoint a word to describe my feelings concerning our relationship. of course we made countless errors, mistakes, and misconceptions. you said the right things, did the wrong things, went too fast, stopped when it was easy, took advantage, took no hints. i really did gain a lot from our time together, and i truly hope you did as well. i do want you in my life still, it just got laborious, and you know that. i do wish we tried harder, and i liked us. we wanted two such varied things, and coming to this town was simply not how it was meant to go for you. i see a bright future in store, not here, not with us, but i do desire that we stay in contact, and get better at that. i am sorry for how i was; disappointing on account of being disappointed. but thank you. and i mean it when i say you are so worthy of someone wonderful.
jordan; not a moment goes by that i do not wish we were together; that i am not wondering how it would be now. you were perfection, and that idea never faded. i still love you, hopefully at least that will fade, but even more so hopefully we meet again, and this is not the end.
scott; perhaps opposites do attract. or it is just the history and longevity of our friendship and connection. something keeps us together, and maybe now it is entirely this lease. i am saddened by and resent so many of the things that you say and do to me. and sometimes really dislike who i am around you, and what you make me think of you. at the same time thank you for always confided in me, and putting up with my harsh words and practically constant rejection. i'm not sure what the future holds, but i will not forget your boyish innocence and the playful way you adore those around you.
calvin; i never would have in a million and a half years guessed in high school that we later would be straightening our hair together in our bathroom we now share. you truly are a kind-hearted and real person, you mean well, and do what you want, and i like that. thank you for putting up with me. and kudos for putting up with scott. i like being your friend and i hope it remains that way. hopefully you notice and comprehend all that i do for you. 
alexa; we say it often, our friendship conclusively makes no sense. our personalities if described, clash and are not even the right kinds of opposite. i think that this makes you and i more real and true, and it brings me so much joy that we stayed close after high school and after all that we have been through, separately and together. thank you for including me and never giving up on me, thank you for all you have done, still do, and the inspiration you have instilled in me. you are real and so true to yourself, and know just what you want, and get it. i hope for so much success and greatness from all your endeavored, mainly because of all you put up with.
amara; you are not human, people in real life are not this genuine and sweet, they are not this flawless and true. i will try to grasp how somehow could ever turn out how you are every single day and it will be unfathomable, and then i think about your parents and sisters and it makes more sense. i am blessed to have you as a friend, and such a good friend at that. if i have done something right, it is keeping you in my life, and how we mutually are in staying prevalent in each other's. you are too wonderful and inspire me to be half the person you are; always in a good mood, always loving, caring, just simply the best person. stay exactly who you are. you are an example of how every person on this earth should be.
mimi; i wouldn't really see us as getting along, but when you and i are together it's sort of like magic. i love when there is absolutely not a trace of seriousness, i love when we have the most honest talks we could ever have, i love how you see people, how you treat people, how you get people. how you get me. i have esteem for you endlessly, and having you living so far away is more of a drag for me than you would ever know. thank you for everything you have done for me, and i want so much for your life to reflect your personality, because it is truly amazing. you are one of the funniest people i'll ever meet, there was never a dull moment, and i cannot wait for even more memories. 
laurie; we were too much. too much the same, too much different. we grew together far too deeply then grew apart so sincerely, i was young and i wish i did things differently. i wish i saw things differently, but i will not forget how we were. and i learned so much from you and us. thank you for being just what i needed, at that time. 
lacey; you are one of those. you are the person who exceeds not just expectations, but wishes for how you will be. there is something about you. you are complex, blocked off, far off, even. i look forward greatly to getting to know you better, figure you out some, just some. i just know now i love being around you. i love watching you; your simplicity, and your complexity. you are one of the most thoughtful and endearing people i know, and i secretly wish there were a lot more of you, also i secretly wish there remained just one person at all like you. 
lizz; you are simultaneously nearly all that I subtly strive to be, and all that I desire in a friend. mature or smart would just be bland understatements in describing your demeanor or outlook on people and the world. I love every single one of our conversations and am interested so absolutely in each of your thoughts and feelings. it is so rare to find a person like you, and I knew this from as far back as I can recall. I appreciate so tremendously how our friendship has sustained, and furthermore grown, and will continue to grow. sometimes I feel like you are one of the few that listens, or watches, or knows. you're sense of humor and character is already so perfected I just anticipate watching it all progress, indefinitely for the better, somehow or another. thanks for everything.
alex; it's difficult to describe us as anything besides truly "getting along", always have always will. and that is the beauty of it, we are so much the same yet dissimilar just enough to always be entertaining one another. you're intentions are faultlessly golden, and you are always up for whatever. I won't forget how things just really jelled.
lisa; getting to know you was as surprising as it has been spectacular. you are nowhere near close to anything expected, or ever experienced. I adore our conversations as immensely as your company, and I know you could make me cry laughing no matter the situation. I simply cannot wait for more time spent together.