Twelve

"I am sitting behind a young couple at the meeting street cafe. they are leaning in toward one another, sharing a consensual invasion of private space. the way we used to before the wall thickened. before the filters became tinted. before a past existed. i learn toward a window with no one there to block my view, the way i prefer it sometimes. the way i see my see my future. the way i wish i could look at you. our conversations twist and turn to conform to the shape of our hopes. they contort to the demands of our insecurities until it blocks off our communication of touch...so we talk less. you don't have to tell me the areas I've failed in... the patterns of my life scream with you. (blah blah blah bullshit excuses.) I am writing this note to you. xxx. it makes the most sense. this album in the pinnacle of a pseudo-success I have worked to achieve for most of my anti-climatic existence. (more bullshit excuses). this album closes a chapter in my life. I have a world of confusion to deal with outside of my own. a world i shouldn't let block out the view of others. my anxiety makes me feel like I'm looking through the wrong side of binoculars. my inabilty to deal with simple problems in a relationship really doesn't help matters much. smashing my face against a wall (shouldn't feel as good as it does). this is how I know we made a wrong turn somewhere. you know I could write like this forever until I talk myself into a complete circle. (because I lie a lot.) if we could have kept things as simple and beautiful as when they started then this song would have never existed. this album probably wouldn't have been completed. we'd be sitting together. I love you. sorry."