Alterations Realization

This disconnect I always wanted, I'll make it last as long as I can. Hope is a mindset, a state of mind that cannot be forced, its absence cannot be reckoned with. My mom said it won't feel like vacation forever, but it isn't a feeling of vacationing, just some change. Opportunity, for lack of a better word, it's the feeling of that letter might be the last one, and embarrassed stuttering may not occur when I explain what's going on. I'll be able to say work and school and feel alright, feel somewhat right. Not hear myself say that I wanted to see just how bad and low I could manage to get this life on my own, not that there is nothing I am able to do, but anything. I see a glimpse of hope, as maybe it sees me, long awaited on my journey of things I wanted to do that made me feel badly. The future isn't patient, and sometimes neither am I, but I've come to complete terms with wanting nothing else. And I know I spent this day's entirety in my bed, but nothing is an action or even response, but a mind state, and for the first time in a long time I don't mind where I am. Maybe who I am will follow one of these days.