Peace Or Something

Today was really positive and I felt it.

"Give me glimmers of hope

do not love me though"

It's a very conventional happiness, a simplistic contentment that I had to of known was still wished for, yet forgot was still possible. I am attempting to say yes to life, and all of its opportunities, to cherish my surroundings without dependency. The notion of normalcy alone makes me feel elated, and once the goal shifts from "perfection" to "okay" , I will be able to see things correctly. The present is finally, finally, bearable and even pleasant enough to cease the digging into the past. On days like this I look up at the sky, in total cliche wonder, and know that things turned out the way that they should have. This has all been a lesson in letting go, in the immediate moment, or so many years ago. We are here in Oakland, love ebbs my anxiety , and hope keeps despair at bay. I may be a complete piece of shit, but I am still trying. This valiant effort will pay itself off every single day that it is put forth. I will not wither, erode, crumble or explode. And I have my deep seated issues with control, but today I had very little and it was very beautiful.