Woke Up Like This

I decided to take a nap to stifle my anger.
I woke up seething.

I do not care for things that either hurt my feelings, or confuse me, 
and most everything that he does seems to create a complicated, powerful and resounding assortment of the two.
It is as if at the core of all of his thoughts is one of two notions; 
the goal of leaving me behind, or getting as far away from me in every sense imaginable,
or second, I am disposable, useless, a thing of the past, and simply not something that runs through his mind at all, ever, besides the occasional belittling slight he hears before he walk away.
It all makes sense though, if I finally wrap my head around it rationally.
When you've given up in such a way, that your entire purpose is to find fun situations for yourself, the most fun situation out there, that is when I see with ultimate clairvoyance, that is when I see why I am no longer in the picture. 
Until recently he was my picture, his happiness, in very small and grandiose ways was everything to me. I awoke every morning with the concern for his contentment, I fell asleep every night loving, missing, or worrying for him.

As of late I have been so enormously disappointed by significant loved ones, that I, myself only feel alright when I am on my own. I am long accustomed to letting myself down, or being upset by my own thoughts, but I am too sensitive, and this pain I feel for the lack of love that I receive, no care at all, it is a torment that will never lessen one bit.

I was even fine with being alcohol's close second.