Guidance

{dumping some gross garbage that I promised myself I would not}
I don't know what to do or say any more, with anything, at all. You used to be the one here for me, there used to be people in my life really, really here for me. Now everyone has their own lives, and I still don't, and everyone has moved on from the past, and I am still so much in it. If I could, I would tell you I just do not know what to say, but I don't even know if that would be wrong. Come back, even for just a moment, I need your help, and I worry that I need only yours. If I could get in your head, I would do anything. I tried, I tried to reach you in some mysterious realm of wonder. This is only real though, I should know that best, it was only ever real. If I see you again, and 'destiny' puts us there again, standing, looking, so deep, I will be able to say something, I will have to. It took one month, and I can wait again, I hope that I can. I hope that is enough time. There is so much to say, I just wish you looked happy enough for me to forget those things pertaining to you. And for the very first time in my whole life, I wish that I appeared unhappy to you, not that you could ever care enough to do anything about that if I did. I can't force anyone to be anything, but I can't do this alone forever. Things are getting really complicated, when all I wanted was some sleep, and to be not here. Good luck.. The best advice I've gotten in years is to forget about it and move on, but the present isn't as shining and glorious, I am not sure where all the beauty and meaning went, but here I am, still holding too tightly to anything I can get.
Who am I kidding though when I use the word real, I could never appreciate, or even so much as recall something real. If I care about anything it is magical and fated, this is just me having a difficult time coping, dealing with, and attempting to accept reality. I taught myself that real was meaningless, well here it is.