Follow Up

We stayed in bed until noon. I started to get anxious and said we should get up, need to start the day, she asked me what the rush was, and I realized that there was no reason at all. She knows where I am coming from when I say what I say, and let me take pictures of the outfit she slept in. We don't have problems making decisions anymore so we drove to Alameda, we laughed all the way there, and parked 9-10 different times. Everything that didn't work out or fell out of place fell right back in. She said she loved it there, I said that it was such a nice day, we were both happy. We held hands in the street, she drove my car, and read the East Bay Express at brunch. We decided we should stay, we agreed we should leave. We were at Whole Foods and I did not even mind. We listened to that podcast on the way home, and got chills at all the same parts. She made grapefruit mimosas, and we sat on separate laptops on the couch. I fell asleep lying on her as we listened, and I don't know if she noticed. I asked her which gray I should paint my nails. She said let's just get delivery, and I liked not having a plan, making it all up as we went. We got take-out, she parked in the middle of the parking lot. I went inside because she didn't want to. She said she liked a lot when I sent her a snap about her "favorite Bukowski poem". She got all of the bowls, plates, and utensils and laid them on the table, I got her water. We watched too many episodes of Orange is the New Black, and were glad we did. We cringed at all the same parts. I only asked her not to leave me once. I only asked if she felt trapped or wanted to go home three times. I drove her back after midnight, and she drove. I planned to tell her, when we parked, how much that I love her. It was 12:27am and she parked in the street, I told her that she was going to get me killed, but neither of us threw a fit about anything, I think we were happy. We hugged, and routinely she said that she loved me, I did too, but never explained how much.

She told me that I would rather not be alone,
I did not wonder what made her come to these conclusions,
only worried that she was right.

"I want to get better"