Incompetence

I cut my hair off just to get through the weekend
and told no one

she questioned my timing
asked if now was really the right time
I was yelling at him over the music
at a bar
he was wasted
and on the phone
and it was that person's birthday, the following day he was talking about leaving me
we did not have plans
I thought it appropriate to get upset and let him know

bad timing
we sat on the curb
after saying over-stepping
I searched my mind for synonyms
as you looked for antonyms
and neither of us spoke

I've been avoiding my boss in fear of giving myself away
he asked yesterday if something was wrong
he told me that I had been quiet
again I said nothing

two days ago my love for you crystalized
I felt warm and fuzzy
I knew finally that it would watch me die
(and not the other way around)

when a person reacts strongly to a trivial event I think it is important to locate the source. when he told us angrily that we never want to go to dinner at the same places that he does, I found out he too is affected that we have different ideas of how we wish to spend our time.

I put so much deorderant on today that it seeped very visibly through my black shirt

the last dream I recall which was two nights ago
I did not dream of you
I dreamed that I was having a nice time
walking in nature with my friend or two
under the trees I approached a childhood acquaintance
I looked at the camera she carried
I then looked down at my hands, and my own camera
I felt an overwhelming sense of inadequacy
possessing no knowledge or skills in art
I was embarrassed that she saw my weak attempts
and utter incompetence
I'm still fairly certain it was about you

august begins

and we all know what that means