In Light of Recent Events

Today I heard your name in my head over, and over
and with each ping I wondered if it was worth contacting you

I pondered whether you would take off work if I were in the hospital
fly or drive if I were hit by a car
on my bike ride this morning to work
needless to say I did not look when I crossed the street

I resisted the urge
but that grandfather clock
never stopped ticking
I imagined myself walking through that home
would I be brought to my knees?
what would it feel like?

this is not what happiness is supposed to do to a person
I know




the last thing you said to me was "hands"
and this was not code for anything

which scared me the very most