whether or not I feel your waves reach me
all the way out here
the nights are colder
when I cannot tell you all that I did all day
I want you to know each time
when I drink water
wash my hands
or think about jumping
I want you to want to know
but love isn't an equation of efforts
love in a chinese finger trap in which you must try just the perfect amount
the perfect way
and I am a messy friend
with a lot to say
I feel:
neglected, forgotten, abandoned, useless, obsolete, burdensome, jealous, scorn, sad
when I talk to you I feel:
close to you, with a purpose, love, loved, part of something good
you said I'm not consistent
like I used to be
and that itself has made it an impossibility to be consistent
you said I am darker than I used to be
and that itself made it an impossibility to remain this way
you're good for me and what I need and I am learning trust
acceptance
communication
truth
your sweetness seems to be reflective of the lunar patterns
and this is no longer the honeymoon phase
I'm here for the long haul
and it's long, longer than anticipated
but it's worth it
you're such a bigger part of that than you know
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