Erased My Life

I haven't figured out what to text you. but life is so easy. which makes it so insanely hard. I can't be anywhere, being myself.


Insane you said that, but even more so that I was jabbing the screen on my envy wondering why it was frozen. What's easy? It's too hard to even die.
Though told someone today that only good will come from the end of the world in 2012, and tried to say Welll I don't mean death... And they said, but you do.


but we do. "what will happen to us?" I thought about that a lot today. I need to talk to you more than anyone needs to talk to anyone. but later of course. I'm in that strange state and it's so hot in this bed I could honestly die. but seriously I cannot be this person much longer. also can't live here (rebecca's). I realized I am a depressive recluse who needs silence and dark and people to let me fester. like I'm awake all night sending weird texts and writing about how I'm ruined, I can't have grace crying in the background if that makes sense. but it's cool. change is in the wind which is so positive. but difficult to not tell rebecca that I honestly do not not care about my life career or future that I have some deep seeded issues in my head I am trying and need to work through.. more importantly. la dispute is ruining me I need to stop this haha..
calvin: where the fuck is everyone? me: alcohol poisoning


I can't breath at all and my eyes are watering from the light of this cell phone. La disputes new album is my sleep playlist if that says anything. Had a dream though that I came home from living in france for a year and turned on my phone wondering why my dad canceled the service. Then woke up (actually) to open my phone with a text from you explaining everything without saying anything. And I'm so out of it at this point and it's not from lack of sleep, but lack of life. I think the dark and those people to let fester are the people of our lives so thank god for reclusion because I went through a hundred contacts and erased my life


all I needed was "it's too hard to even die." if these relationships are us than that is not alright, and if we ourselves are us, I'm not sure which is worse.