Angels

An angel does not doubt nor resent their duty of being so. Does not desire acknowledge, or wish for reciprocation in anyway. They will not overstay their welcome.

Conveyance

"Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. One definition of transference is "the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person's childhood." Another definition is "the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object." Still another definition is "a reproduction of emotions relating to repressed experiences, especially of childhood, and the substitution of another person ... for the original object of the repressed impulses." Transference was first described by Sigmund Freud, who acknowledged its importance..."


transference [ˈtrænsfərəns -frəns]

n

1. the act or an instance of transferring or the state of being transferred

2. (Psychoanalysis) Psychoanal the redirection of attitudes and emotions towards a substitute

" The term transference denotes a shift onto another person—usually the psychoanalyst—of feelings, desires, and modes of relating formerly organized or experienced in connection with persons in the subject's past whom the subject was highly invested in. "


  "Transference involves transferring libidinal cathexis from one person to the form, personality, or characteristics of another. The quantity of libidinal energy deployed in such transfers varies and may be considerable, comparable in strength even to the original cathexes. There are two important points to note in this connection. First, what is mobilized here is libido; the other forms of instinctual energy evoked by Freud are not involved. Self-preservation, for example, plays no part in transference. Second, the withdrawal of libido from one object and the cathexis of another with it, as in states of mourning, is not a transference phenomenon. Transference implies maintenance of a particular relational form and fidelity to a past relationship that have been preserved in the unconscious."

Before

""

You Spoke

"a theory straight into my brainGod damn, did you mean to do that to me?"

Aimed

aimed to please, and i missed

I'll Never Find You Again

I'll be gone by the time the lights get switched on, because I will not like what I see once they are, in me. And I'll be damned, never allow another connection with the core basis being sadness. I won't be left wondering if your hands sifting underneath the cloth of my shirt is a response to the verge of tears in the eyes, I'm certain you're avoiding. That you're squeezing my hand hard, so firm, reason being I look perpetually abandoned, and helpless. I don't want to be taken care of, I want mutual, equality. No matter how painfully sincere it is I want to hear the question, "Are you okay?" And you asked again, and again. Still not as many times as I was sad.

It

   The taste you left in my mouth
     I swallowed it

Didn't Mean To Be

"Joey, baby, don't get crazy
Detours, fences, 
I get defensive
I know you've heard it all before
So I don't say it anymore
I just stand by and let you fight your secret war
And though I used to wonder why
I used to cry 'til I was dry
And still sometimes I get a strange pain inside
Oh Joey, if you're hurtin' so am I
And Joey, Honey,
I've got some money
And all is forgiven
Listen, oh listen
And if I seem to be confused
I didn't mean to be with you
And when you said I scared you 
Well I guess you scare me too
But we got lucky once before
And I don't want to close the door
So if you're somewhere out there
Passed out on the floor
Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore
And if I seem to be confused
I didn't mean to be with you
And when you said I scared you 
Well I guess you scare me too
But we got lucky once before
And I don't want to close the door
So if you're somewhere drunk
And passed out on the floor
Oh Joey,
I'm not angry anymore
And oh Joey,
I'm not angry anymore."

Wolf's Mouth

"And the sweat just makes my shirt stick
to that scratch across my ribs
that space where you fell from
and I've never sewn up since

I'm trailing off again
I'm trailing off again
I'm trailing off again

and the strain just makes my face tick
and it messes with my head
a space you tore open
well I've had trouble sealing it"

Sit With Me

“ we can only blame ourselves, 

so come sit with me in the dark. 

it's half-past nowhere. everywhere. “

Besides Don't

    "Don't release me,                      until it's over."

Rather

I've made camp fires, long walks, adventures, new faces, told stories, found romance, loss, laughed and partied, made a home, different families, had everything change, given things up, tried new things, car trips, dinners out, movie nights, shared and connected, talked until I couldn't any longer, enjoyed the quiet and solitude, wrote and dreamed, I've sang, kissed, created, changed and improved, said goodbyes, said hello's, I have cried and lived, but all I've wanted is to tell you about my day.

"Ryan Gosling Is Your Friend"

"I love parks..and now I understand your earlier words. 
Aziz. Explaining things wrong means more than explaining them right I think. 
We're all just lost in a sea of unintentional words and phrases. 
My eyes were on fire the night I fell asleep cus you thought 
you were boring but that wasn't it, at all. 
And I hope you'll someday understand your importance even though 
I say terrible things and say the wrong words. Full circle in just one paragraph.
Overbearing."

Can't Resist

"I’ve been watching a slow thaw come around.
I’ve been waiting in the cold and hazy blue.
I’ve been driving alone out to the edge of town.
I’ve been thinking too much of you.

Last snowfall left splinters and some winters never end; neither wane nor wear.
And sunshine is like lovers and some summers just pretend; only warm the air.
It’s that I’m tired of the feeling here. It’s too near to death, it’s too jobless year-round.
It’s not the weather in the city or the highway moan.
Not the streets or the buildings, neither wooden nor stone.
Every reason to leave this place behind, why I should be alone,
Are made of flesh and bone.

I’ve been thinking of exile.
I’ve been thinking hit the highway and head up North.
I’ve been thinking cross the bridge and don’t turn back.
The only warmth is a warmth alone.

He packed up, took 75 northbound to a brand new life and
Waved goodbye to the world in the rearview mirror. Saw it clearer in hindsight,
The shape of its skyline traced in a flame from the windows ablaze,
The people restless and the streetlights glowing like
Many beacons in the sea or like a lantern lit
For the ones still lost out in the dead of the night.
Like lightning striking darkness once, no thunder, no pain.

Have you ever watched a slow thaw come around?
Have you waited in the cold and hazy blue?
There’s an airport there out near the edge of town.
I’ve been thinking too much of you.

Settled in that still forest like another phantom or another shadow cast by choice.
A noiseless chorus blows through the leaves and trees and brings a peace at last
From a place where the song kept changing just when he was starting to get it.
When he was starting to trust there’d be a day he’d find a way to keep the rust at-bay,
There’d be a day he’d find a hum to help him muffle the past.
Like thunder underwater, he hears it fading and feels no pain at all.

To a Boring, Desperate City,
It’s been weeks since I’ve been around you. Has the fear begun to fade away like sunlight when it sinks into the lake? Are they now building up, or breaking down and boarding up the fronts? Has the whole town been foreclosed now? And what happened to those youthful dreams sunk deep in the river weak? Or got tangled up in weeds or else they’re stumbling drunk on Wealthy Street? Or making plans to leave? I need to leave. I can’t marry this place. I won’t bury the past. I just need a change of scenery. I will hold these old streets sweetly in my head like her. And I will praise their bravery always and again. Let tongues confess the plague of joblessness a temporary illness. Let us wave their flag from there to here then over and again and let us hope for better things though we may not ever get them.

We will rise again from ashes one day. Until then, just roll me away.
I need to leave but swear I will carry you in me until the end.

So, Tuebor, my home!

Your desperate friend,"

Tolerating Not Accepting

You people have thoughts, not feelings, and I am done, 
in the very, very most positive way.

With Me

" The desperate are water. They will run down forever 

As they soak into silence mend up together, In a dark and distant, dark and distant place. So don't leave me here with only mirrors watching me. This house it holds nothing but the memories. And the moon it leaves silver but never sleep. And then the silver turns to gray. Oh stay with me arienette until the wolves are away. "

Connect

“I was young I was so young it hurt like a knife inside 
because there was no alternative except to hide as long 
as possible—- 
not in self-pity but with dismay at my limited chance: 
trying to connect.”

""

Tie Him Up In Your Likeness

"but the way you taught me to just let it all go by."


"Once too often, I have retreated
into the depths of my despair.
I built a barricade to block you on the road.
I was standing there with all of my possessions
piled higher than a house,
I felt closer to you than you ever would have known.
So let each tiny acts of charity
be common ground on which to build
the monument that will commemorate our times."
"Now, I tell myself I've mended 
under these patches of blue sky.
There are still a few holes that let in a little rain.
And it's been crying on my shingles.
My floorboards moan under my feet.
The refrigerator is whining, so I've got reason to complain.
But I am not gonna bless you with such compliments,
some degrading psalm of praise,
like the kind that converted you to me so long ago.
Because the truth is that gossip's as good as gospel in this town.
You can save face but you won't ever save your soul, and that's a fact."
"All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing or not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I guess that it's typical To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know"

Stings

looking at you is like staring into the sun, mostly warm

Ends

BRIGHT EYES - IF WINTER ENDS

Vortex

"You only socialize when you want to."

Ruined It

ruined has a negative connotation but it shouldn't at all, never when i use it. perhaps haunted would be better? someone showing you behind the curtain all others are unaware of, and i do think we're all on the wrong side, but i've seen that other world now. i understand that new people come along, seem to fall from the sky when you need them, but i also know that replace is not ever the correct word for that.

Company

I was raised to think god is in 
everything.

Your Quiet

""

To Silva

suc·cumb

  [suh-kuhm]

verb (used without object)

1.

to give way to superior force; yield: to succumb to despair.

2.

to yield to disease, wounds, old age, etc.; die.

Definition of SUCCUMB

intransitive verb

1

: to yield to superior strength or force or overpowering appeal or desire <succumb to temptation>

2

: to be brought to an end (as death) by the effect of destructive or disruptive forces

suc·cumb 

(sə-kŭm') 
intr.v., -cumbed, -cumb·ing, -cumbs.

1. To submit to an overpowering force or yield to an overwhelming desire; give up or give in.
2. To die.

Dysfunctioning

Am I the only one who notices that Scott's relationships only work if his significant other has no other job or friends? It's not so much a relationship as it is care-giving. I recall thinking they were cute together, and right for each other, before Lacey became a feeding tube, and oxygen. It's like when a small child falls asleep with someone's arm and they leave, and slowly replace it with one of the kid's stuffed animals. At least Lacey and Rachel both know now that there was a time where both were in his hands, at once. Scott is more a tracking device than some lover, and yes, he is good enough with his words to draw you back in his bed when you go to your car to leave. Personally, I just wonder if you'll ever see that exchanging everything you had, your entire life, for sex and compliments isn't the fairest trade. Or is it? I hope I never see either of you again. This is gross and disturbing, as disturbing as my silence subsequent to you saying to me that you hate the sound of kissing so much, loud and the same. I am constantly in complete awe of your ignorance. Still surprised that you could rip your wet intertwined lips apart long enough to speak that entire sentence to me.

To You

   
    Everything is an epic romantic saga."

The Last Thing You Said To Me

"the door was still locked."

Air

Change is in the air,
   you said, don't hold your breath.

Be Swallowed Up By

"
 "

Today Again

                                       I am so tired today, I hope it's worth it in the end, and I don't really mean work, I mean life....

In That

"and in that moment sparks and harps play out

and in that moment there's an honesty instinctive and pure 


but, it departs like it came


rapid and bearing no more"

Give And Take

I decided today that the worst kind of friend is the one who cares and understands, everything, but does not take any of it into account when dealing with the other. Oh, how I've let everything go. I thought today that perhaps the universe really is perpetually evening the score and balancing, everything.

I Have No Idea What This Is

Well I'm

      Well I'm fine now.

You Know

It's a response for some people."

Relinqish

re·lin·quish  (r-lngkwsh) tr.v. re·lin·quished, re·lin·quish·ing, re·lin·quish·es 1. To retire from; give up or abandon. 2. To put aside or desist from (something practiced, professed, or intended). 3. To let go; surrender. 4. To cease holding physically; release: relinquish a grip. relinquish [rɪˈlɪŋkwɪʃ] vb (tr) 1. to give up (a task, struggle, etc.); abandon 2. to surrender or renounce (a claim, right, etc.) 3. to release; let go

A Waste

"I want to scream out that it all is nonsense.
All your lives one track, can't you see it's pointless?
But then, my knees give under me. My head feels weak and
suddenly it is clear to see that it is not them but me, who has lost my self-identity.
As I hide behind these books I read, while scribbling my poetry,
like art could save a wretch like me, with some ideal ideology that no one can hope to achieve.
And I am never real; it is just a sketch of me.
And everything I made is trite and cheap and a waste."

"Boy Come Kiss My Mouth"

I cannot find anything to say. Because I am thinking one thing, that doesn't leave my mouth, 
not even when I try. But here is some of the sentence that stays inside.

you're the most beautiful thing i've seen my entire life
and perhaps you find this unrequited love quite trite
it's just that no one else has the potential to be so nice
and the thought of you not doing well, well it makes me wince
and i've hardly thought of a different thought since
the moment i realized i did not wish to kiss
anyone else's non comparative lips
you're subtle and quiet, smooth with ease and effortless class
making all pale in comparison, either incredibly brash or crass
it's difficult to explain and even harder for you to see
but possibly your perfection wears off
making me with you precisely who i want to be
i know that it is an astounding gift that you showed up one day
when i needed it then, to make my whole life feel okay
i'm terrified i will not see you again, and by chance i may
it's just troublesome to me that you will never know you could be the exclusive thing that i miss when i move to the bay

I Am Existing

""

Showed

The only painting you do now is on your face. The only writing I do now is writing off. 
No one person is worth feeling anything over, you showed me that.
"It's a lie, if I've ever seen one."

Wambulance

Catharsis in admittance of shame, secrets and in-success, every time.

Talking About

"I mean, I'm not saying that you don't know what you're talking about,  

but I don't know what you're talking about."

Betrayal Failure And Disaster

"Virtually all memory of the brilliance of the young Tenenbaums 
was subsequently erased by two decades of betrayal, failure and disaster. 
Most of this was generally considered to be their father's fault."

Miss

Bitter Blood

"Bitter blood
I’ve been brewin' blood, coffee for the company
Take no cream, no sugar
They like it raw 
Swishing around in their mouths like the black ink that wrote stories of tragedies
They think it fancy to sip at ancient anger"

The End

We're trained to want closure, we wholeheartedly desire a real end. We need a warm feeling as the credits roll, and even life has its death. Whether or not I thought the things that were fit for closure in turn should cease to exist, I did know I wanted them neatly tied up, no loose ends or frayed edges. Nothing should be left up for interpretations. If fate must make them leave, at least give me a hollywood ending, a sunset to ride off into, accompanied or not. Give me a slow fade to black, or even a last-liner that makes it all worth it. Give me a grand finale, because if it must go, I deserve fireworks. To my dismay, many a things linger, open-ended, open wounds. To my surprise there are alternate endings, some with no script at all, there's a variant in understandings. Sometimes I find an end within myself, almost triumphantly, only for my illusion of peace to be shattered by those longing for something different. 

Greener Grass Recent Past

Most everyone has this stupid nostalgia for the recent past, ignorantly claiming it to be superior to the present moment, almost purposefully neglecting the inevitable soon to be aching heart over that very moment.

Soggy

I've been known by myself to turn wine in water

yes I was fine

to be defined by the best thing I ever worked on

years have past since something went wrong

but I'm still taking a sharp right

down any road, to keep your home out of sight

I think one of the biggest mistakes that a person could not understand

is the power of the impact of what they can do with their own hand

I'm a little carriage before the horse, take off after the land

though I do know now it's a waste of ink spending it nightly just to retrace

I know now I'm still in the same place if my eyes still get soggy at the glance of your face

and that's as fair as it is to say

I'll make this about me just

not today

you cannot simply just plan to make change

But The Lord Didn't Do It

"I was amazed at the colour and shapes you drew
a paper cut for two

because it was you I called it a different story
but if I was you I'd make this a simpler story

I bet you did what you did when you did it
to do it again by the time you were done with it
I bet you did what you did when you did
just to tell every friend that you have that the lord did it

I finally knew that I simply couldn't matter
you finally knew that you simply couldn't matter
I guess that it's true you never know
the passive power of the truth 
so cut me loose
if I could write another phrase
we might be better off this way
but there's no use
no there's no use"

Crumble

"They've said it every year but this times it seems like
The end is near and i'm in line to see the light
How far does this black tunnel go
I got a car but the gas is running low
And as long as I've known the bumps and creeks of this house
It's starting to make the types of sounds that only comes from people's mouths
You can't tell me it's still settling
Built on an indian burial ground killing everything
The childhood scar on my chin is back again
That old jump over my own leg dance move has to end
I've seen better days in my night terrors
I was a bike messenger without a bike and I would write letters
Ask directions to your whereabouts
Before the slow walk the rest of the show-offs were peeling out
Too many hares only one tortise
Thats why I left this city, too fast paced for this ho-hum taurus
By the time I developed the pictures
They're as blurry as my memory of constant life fixtures
If distance is a girl's best friend 
Tell them bitches in the rough who think that love comes with diamonds
Slave labor, you made me work for what I couldn't have
Diamonds cut, but coal burns and nothing lasts forever
Don't know why I bothered saving any of your letters, they're just aged paper
Crumbling
Slave labor, you made me work for what I couldn't have
Diamonds cut, the cold burns and nothing lasts
Wonder why I saved your urn of ashes"

Floundering

flounder

 verb

floun·deredfloun·der·ing

Definition of FLOUNDER

intransitive verb

1

: to struggle to move or obtain footing : thrash about wildly

2

: to proceed or act clumsily or ineffectually

Synonyms: blunder, bumble, limp, lumber,plod, struggle, stumble, trudge

Antonyms: breeze, coast, glide, slide, waltz, whisk

floun·der 1  (floundr) intr.v. floun·dered, floun·der·ing, floun·ders 1. To make clumsy attempts to move or regain one's balance. 2. To move or act clumsily and in confusion. See Synonyms at blunder.

flounder¹

vb (intr)

1. to struggle; to move with difficulty, as in mud

2. to behave awkwardly; make mistakes

n

the act of floundering

   “When I tell you I need to be alone, what I mean is that I don’t want you to see me changing the batteries on my confidence, or the mercury levels in my floundering..”