Defense

Sleeping to hide, mostly from me. I never really thought I would find myself overcompensating, but I'm just the small kid hiding behind my mom's legs for introductions. I'm boisterous, just making up for crippling anxiety. It used to be painful to talk to people, and that never ever changed. I hate listening to the sound of my voice, especially the reverberations like this. The funny part is some of these people, friends, wouldn't believe me if I suggested at my being shy. Perhaps it is a confidence thing, when I feel it in my chest and bones that it is a struggle to make up words that are acceptable for the situation at hand. I put on a face, an air, I can get loud and at times even wildly overzealous. It's disgusting. I really could be so content being talked at, ramblings or stories, but can hardly enjoy dialogue like I would, when the discourse in turn demands my replies. The gears are working, hard, but I hate being called uncomfortable or awkward, I want exchanges to feel easy, I'll talk a mile a minute, not simply because I have all this notions and ideas, but so no one has time to think about me in that moment of dead silence.






breezy conversing with careless topics bearing no balls that are curved
I will not succumb to these violently trembling hands and the infinitely more violent fumble of words