I Felt Compelled To Tell You

The fear forefront in my mind.

I was having a hard time, and I recall in a very fleeting manner I made a decision to do something brash to isolate myself, I believe to think. Where ever I was, which felt like Highway 20 but looked more like space, it was fairly dark and I was extremely high up. I did not look over the edge. The small platform I was on seemed to be made of a black steel, and had a low gate around it, that looked like bars. The lights of the city in many colors and in every direction lay far, far beneath me, I seemed only vaguely aware of that. My crippling fear of heights was momentarily at bay, remaining in my head, and alone in the middle of where ever I was. Then, to my surprise, a person had ridden to where I had taken myself, I was conscious that it was a segue way in their travel, and the vibe of my surroundings felt more like college, and I struck myself on a pathway I could not get down from. This person is precisely who it would be, and subsequent to my shock I immediately came to terms with this. I did not think that this person came to this place for me, but contemplate if them moving to the city had anything to do with me. They knew I was here, and here first. I was bombarded in this confined space with this person now there and this short-ish asian who followed that person there. They seemed to be new friends, but I didn't take it seriously and noticed the girl's demeanor, then thick black hair. This random person who I literally thought of as 'random' lingered behind us as we spoke, I wasn't sure exactly what to say and let that person lead and carry the conversation. The person seemed happy and I saw, and heard that. They showed interest in me and everything I spoke of, mostly pertaining to myself, they responded knowingly instantly. I would talk of something and they would just know. I became increasingly disturbed by the unsafe platform and how absurdly high up I was. No one else was fearful at all, and I was only scared for myself, and very scared. I knew when they kept walking and I was left alone again the fear would hit me, hard, it would devour me and whether or not I would attempt to find a way down, I would be faced with something awful. My panic then started to increase, I needed to then tell this person of my concerning state, I say I don't know if they know but I have "This fear of heights." They replied laughingly that they "Remembered", retelling stories of our past. As pleased as I am by the conversation, in the forefront of my mind is only how terrified I am, how in danger I am of falling, and how much worse it would be. I then think of this person recollecting all these memories of me, and it reminds me of the night with the white strips. I feel loved and revered, it felt so good and had been so long. I am shown then the quiet friend, it was both trivial and significant. I know this, and also laughed to myself at how appropriate it was that they had the upper-hand, so stupidly, but I was blatantly alone and this person had brought a friend. They had to leave, a path I could not go, there was no big goodbye and then they walked off into the darkness. I looked over the side then, I absorbed completely the microscopic dim yellow lights that were the city, and the world below. I felt the terror in my chest, the horror of this all-consuming and engulfing fear, and could think of and feel nothing else. I shouldn't have come, it wasn't worth it. This was my fear, I was panicked, trapped and alone, with only that. My breathes are deep, fast, hard, and mortified. I then wake up.