Shred

I hear and feel the shrill tear of thick fabric. The ripping radiated even when the noise ceased, and I wondered if other people sleep this restless. I wondered if I was even awake, and had in reality unintentionally torn my bedding, 
I looked in the morning and I had.



I recall how difficult it always was for me to rest when things did not seem good between us, I remember how I would lie there awake to your left as you slept and would often contemplate leaving after hours passed. I every time chose to stay because I would rather be there with you, while it was bad, than alone. I presume some things never change. I felt accepted, genuinely, for the first time, not before by my peers, parents, friends, boyfriends, anyone, just this. It's equally perplexing how you could grow to love me so dearly, as it is how tiresome I could grow to not be deserving of a single word for months and months and months.


It feels too much like vacation. 
It won't keep up for long. 
A brief stint of numbness,
soon enough back to the doldrums.